I Don’t Want to Attack You! - Chapter 1

Who said that hard work brings blessings?

“Why is this my fault? Why!”

The high-quality fabric I bought with a week’s worth of salary fluttered in the air. ‘Ben,’ the general manager of Evgeny’s dressing room, picked up a precious purple fabric and broke into a cold sweat. Because of his tall stature and thick flesh.

“Hey, Heather. I understand how upset you are.”

Unable to control the anger that rose to the top of my head, I tossed out the costume I had spent ten days and nights making.

“It’s been eight years. An opportunity came after eight years of working like a cow in this dressing room for a small salary.”

“I know, I know.”

“I have no aristocratic acquaintances to look after me, and I am so busy making a living that I can’t even afford to stab you in the back. How can I become a designer if it’s not this time? It was my first and last chance…”

Tears welled up at the devastating reality. I finally sat down, holding my face with both hands.

There was an announcement stating about recruiting a designer for an opera troupe by a famous playwright, who created a stir around the world in regards of producing works. Hundreds of million dollars of investment from high-ranking aristocratic investors and even an actor praised as a heavenly diva, the Nobility. It was also a performance that both aristocrats and commoners were waiting for with bated breath.

I didn’t design all the costumes for every scene, but it was a golden opportunity to design the costumes that the prima donna would wear when she sang Arias.

It would be a brilliant debut as a designer and an announcement that shouldn’t be missed. It would surely become a career that guarantees one’s skills.

As expected, numerous and aspiring designers participated. The competition rate was staggering. Amidst the competitors who gathered like a swarm of ants I didn’t give up.

I was confident in my skills. And when my draft did make it to the finalists, I ran through the streets screaming like crazy and was dragged along Ben’s waist.

The final screening was to turn the design proposal into an actual costume. The finalists were five works, including mine. For ten days, I drank only water and paid for food, sparing no investment in expensive fabrics. The result was perfect in proportion to my efforts.

People around me said that I would pass the exam without any hesitation. However, today is the day of the final review. My costume had been sabotaged through scissors. Last night, I went to bed imagining an ecstatic future, but what unfolded in front of me was a reality more brutal than hell.

‘Oh, it’s unfortunate, Geline. Who would do such a mean thing?’

Reika, a seamstress in the same dressing room, was saddened with an expression that looked as if she was ready. I am convinced that this atrocity was Reika’s doing. There was no physical evidence, but Reika had countless records of interfering with my work. Why is the fly buzzing every time? I let it slide, but that ignorance made this slander.

“Is it my fault that she failed the first screening? Huh? Is it my fault?”

“…Heather, your voice is too loud. What if Mr. Martin gets angry again at this rate?”

“It’s like a fungus on a tangerine! Why are you so eager to drag me into the gutter?”

I was upset and embarrassed. It was like the top of my head was spinning and an enraged feelings welled up inside, burning her guts.

When I first saw my clothes come to this point, I quickly shook my head rather than getting frustrated. I couldn’t give up like this. How did you seize the opportunity, and with what mind did I make it?

I grabbed the raged costume with both hands and begged the opera director. But to come back,

‘Can a designer who can’t take care of her clothes properly create our diva’s clothes? I’m not an idle person enough to gamble on odds.’

It was a cold-blooded murder. In the end, the dam of emotions she barely endured burst open. When I went back to the dressing room and started screaming at whom the hell was doing it, Reika, the odious girl brought Mr. Martin, the manager of the dressing room. There were rumors that the two were in a relationship like that, but that it was the moment when rumors came true.

Mr. Martin twitched his greasy mustache and pointed at me.

‘Where’s the place you’re making a fuss about?! All work has stopped because of you! Shut up and stay in your trash-like house for a month. Go cool your head!’

The price of not holding back emotions was harsh. She had no money on hand because she had used it all for the cost of the costume. But now she’s been cut off from work.

“How could the world do this to me?”

If there was a living hell, would it be here? All I did was work hard, and the result was devastating. Thick, hard hands patted me on the back.

“Heather, I don’t know if it’s comforting, but I’ve found you a job.”

“…”

“It’s at the Arzheum Temple… .”

As soon as I heard the word “Arzheum,” my face crumpled. I raised my head and stared at Ben. This! Ben fell back in amazement.

“Oh no, listen, Heather.”

“What do you mean? Is it because I don’t know what is going on? Confined to a temple like a machine, making identical clothes, then forced to go to the prayer room. And need to listen to the tedious recitation of prayers for five hours a day!”

This bastard, Ben, was pretending to be for me, trying to take on a job all the seamstresses hated.

Seamstresses who had been in the dressing room for less than a month were originally sent to the temple. Poor newcomers who can’t even predict what their future will be like. It was a ploy to sacrifice the innocent freshman full of enthusiasm and make the seniors feel comfortable working.

I glared at Ben, with tears streaming down my chin, as he rubbed my face with the handkerchief he had been using to wipe his sweat. I feel my cheeks being pushed back and forth by his violent hands. I pushed Ben away with a big swing of my arm.

“I am not a cocoon that spins threads. I have no intention of listening to prayers for five hours without excluding my brain, and I refuse to make the same priestly uniform. Why do you want me to do what I did when I was a freshman again?”

“Actually…… Mr. Yevgeny has hired a few recruits this year, so there are not enough seamstresses to go to the temple.”

“So you’re going to sell me over there?”

“The temple is not necessarily bad. You know the priest who recently came to Arzheum, right? They were talking about it in the daily newspaper. His innate divine power is strong, so the efficacy of his prayers is enormous, and he is incredibly handsome.”

There was so much fuss around him that I couldn’t help but notice. I heard it thanks to the priest. The believers in Arzheum increased their number in a week. When the world was abuzz with the priest, I was busy preparing the costumes for the final screening.

“If you go to Arzheum this time, you can tailor the priest’s clothes yourself. See right now, four seamstresses were not enough to go to the temple, and three have already volunteered.”

“The remaining 14 were rejected.”

If you want to see a priest, go to the temple. It may not be easy to see the priest’s face because there are more than enough believers to fill the outdoor prayer room. But if you bring opera glasses, you should be able to check the features. Besides, there was a trap in Ben’s words. The possibility to cut the priest’s clothes. There was a high possibility that she would only look at the priest, go to the temple, and come out after making clothes for some strict priests. And crucially, I had no enthusiasm for the priest.

“Heather, don’t be so negative. After all, you need money now. How are you going to pay the rent right now? No place pays as much as the temple. You can serve at a restaurant. You can be a kitchen assistant. Rather, the price of breaking the plate will only increase the debt.”

“…”

There was nothing I could say to refute this. I was good at design and tailoring, yet mostly immature in everything else. In particular, cleaning and cooking, which are closely related to life… And there will be no volunteer-minded employer who will hire me for just one month.

“The temple also provides accommodations.”

… Then, you don’t have to worry about the cost of food.

“Are you going to waste your time drinking only alcohol for a month?”

“…”

“It’s not a bad idea.”

“Ha…”

I let out a long sigh. In the first place, I didn’t have any options. This bastard Ben knew that and offered me this semblance of an offer. How relieved he must have been when I showed up amongst the shortage of workers. A wicked fellow.

“Then, I’ll add your name to the list.”

“…”

Ben took my silence as permission.

“Hmmm… I haven’t finished the re-payment for this month yet… I’ll get up first. Rest well, Heather.”

A thick hand taps my shoulder. Then there was the sound of the door closing. Left alone in the messy dressing room, I buried my face between my legs and couldn’t get up for a while.

I couldn’t tell whether my feet were on the ground or the sky. Because the sun had set, the sky was all black, making it even more confusing. Why is it that the night is dark and makes people stupid?

“Huh. Oh, I’m dizzy-”

The four sides spun round and round. The ground shook as if it had been an earthquake, making it impossible to walk properly. Walking along the rough wall, I barely took one step at a time. Every breath smelled like alcohol, and the hiccups kept popping out.

It seemed that she quickly got drunk as she drank a lot of cheap alcohol without any side dishes. With one hand, I pulled up the bag strap that slid down my shoulder. My efforts, hopes, opportunities, and dreams were shredded and tucked away in the bag that were dangling from my side.

I was caught in the crowd of passers-by and bumped into each other. Some gave short screams, and others openly cursed. Each time, I raised one hand and apologized profusely.

“Hey, you have to drink in moderation!”

The Uncle, who bumped into me on the shoulder, brushed off my clothes.

“Ah, it is sinful. I’m originally not the type of person who drinks until I’m drunk like this. But today… kkk, I couldn’t stand it with my sober mind, so I had a drink.”

“Pip…”

The man who bumped into me clicked his tongue loudly and quickly walked away. I put my hand on the rough back of my head and waved once more, saying goodbye.

With a staggering body, I managed to get close to the house. Barely visible people are now invisible. It was better, even apologizing for being sorry was getting out of hand.

It was time to pick up the slippery bag again. A sobbing sound came from somewhere. I stopped and turned in the direction of the sound.

“It’s a sin. I didn’t mean it.”

I didn’t feel like I’d been hit, but I figured the alcohol had paralyzed my neurons from pickling my brain, and I hadn’t noticed. I reflexively apologized and tried to turn around, but the sound of crying was unusual.

“Ugh, it’s cold, help me, it’s cold…”

What do you mean you’re sobbing when you say it’s cold on the scorching tropical night? If I had been sober, I would have run away without even looking back, but when I was drunk, I felt only saddened by this cry, as if it represented my feelings. What are you crying so much for? Are you suffering too…? I even heard a strange sense of homogeneity.

As if possessed, I moved toward the sound of crying. A tiny figure trembled beneath the shaded wall, dimly visible. She closed and opened her eyes, trying to focus.

“Will you help me?”

Something small beeped and stepped out of the darkness. I can see the dainty, round feet in the light of the moonlight. What eventually appeared…

“Elephant?”

An elephant, one that I had only seen in books appeared, waving its wide ears like a fan. However, contrary to what I knew, the size was quite small. It looked like, it can be lifted lightly with one hand. And this elephant was not a mouse color, but cherry blossoms were dyed all over its body.

An unidentified pink elephant covered its nose by using its forelimbs, which should have been used as feet, like hands. Bead-like tears flowed nonstop from its big eyes.

“My nose is so cold. Help me.”

And there, to the end. At this point, I naturally realized something. Oh, I’m dreaming right now. I rolled up my thin sleeves and rubbed my eyes roughly. In the meantime, the elephant toddled over and hugged my ankle.

“Will you help me?”

I couldn’t possibly pass by this poor little whimpering elephant. My bag just happened to contain my shattered future. If I took it home like this, it would go straight to the trash, but wouldn’t it be better to use it to help someone?

My hand naturally went to the bag. I sat down on the bare floor. The elephant sits with its buttocks on my thighs with great effort.

I even took out the sewing tools I always carry for this poor elephant and started working with the fabric in earnest.

“Ah!”

There were drops of blood on the fingertips. She hadn’t been pricked by a needle in seven years, except for the first year I entered the dressing room… I guess I was too drunk. She opened her eyes and concentrated on sewing. The purple nose mask was finally completed after two more needle pricks. She showed off her skills and even embroidered cherry blossoms on the nose mask.

“Here, take it.”

“… Oh my god, I have never seen such a beautiful nose mask.”

The elephant took the nose mask with both hands. Seeing what he liked with tears in his eyes, it was worth all the effort she made while being stabbed three times with needles. The elephant quickly put on the nose mask. The size was just right.

“Awesome, great! I like it so much. It’s not cold at all now!”

The elephant’s ears flapped like the wings of a bird, and then it floated up into the sky, and I was a little embarrassed by the elephant that circled me and shouted.

“The sewing line must be crooked, too.”

“I am not saying that it is well-made. Compared to the nose mask I originally had, this is at the level of toilet paper. I was moved by your heart.”

“…”

My heart, which had been excited about a moment at the sharp devaluation of the elephant, cooled down. But she had no intention of taking back what she had given. I roughly brushed off my clothes and got up. I stumbled several times because I couldn’t keep my balance.

“Human, what is your name?”

“Heather Geline”

“Heather. If I receive grace, I will repay it. I want to give you a blessing.”

Even in a daze, the word ‘blessing’ brought me to my senses. Anecdotes of goodwill and miraculous luck passed quickly through my mind. If you work hard, you will be blessed. That’s right. I put strength on my loose tongue and spoke clearly.

“Let me design the costumes for the opera ‘Throne of Terdi’.”

“That’s impossible.”

The elephant shook its head resolutely. The hope that had risen faintly inside me shrank like a deflated balloon.

“Then let the jewels fall from the sky.”

“You’ve read too many novels.”

“The one that gives you the ability to make clothes instantly with your eyes closed?”

“If you ask the magic tower, it will be possible in about 3000 years.”

“Let me live healthily and not grow old for the next, 3100 years.”

“First of all, stop drinking.”

What’s wrong with so many things? Well, did you expect too much with just one nose mask made for you? What do you get from an elephant who is crying because there is no nose covering? I turned around, letting go of my growing disappointment with one gesture.

“Don’t lose your nose covering from now on.”

At this time, the elephant came talking from behind.

“In return, I’ll let you share passionate love with the continent’s most handsome man.”

I stopped and looked at the elephant.

“What?”

“This is the best blessing I can give you.”

As that elephant says, sharing hot love probably doesn’t mean chatting on a blazing furnace… I laughed out loud at the thought that followed.

“Yes, I like handsome men too.”

After giving the elephant a rough wave, he headed home. Right before I grabbed the doorknob, I immediately remembered the feeling of being pricked by a needle. If it’s a dream, shouldn’t you feel pain?

“… I feel tired.”

The momentary question that came to my mind was blown away with a sigh. Her spirit and stamina were all drained. It wasn’t enough that I cried and cried all day, and I drank like crazy because I poured so much alcohol. I didn’t even have the energy to go to bed. She just desperately wanted to put her head anywhere and pass out.

As the sun, which had been giving off heat during the day, fell below the horizon, people poured out as if salty. Everyone was waiting for the heat to subside. ‘Olga’ and I also went out to the downtown square to settle the evening. However, even after looking around the restaurant area for over 30 minutes, all of them were full. Then, luckily, I found an elderly couple who had just finished eating in an outdoor seating area and hurriedly called the waitress.

Olga clicked her tongue briefly when I was barely sitting down and fanning my hands.

“You can go into the ocean, Heather.”

“Quiet.”

After stacking up the five lottery tickets I bought this morning, I tore them exactly in half. Then blew it over Olga’s head. Thin pieces of paper fall from the sky like snow. Olga slashed the paper that was blocking her view with her hand.

“Can you even see?”

Olga lightly touched my swollen eyelids with her fingertips, as if they had been stung by a bee. The nose, lips, and cheeks were all swollen. I thought it’d get better by lunch, but it was like this until dinner. It’ll sink by the time we get to the temple tomorrow, right?