I Don’t Want to Attack You! - Chapter 4

“Don’t worry about my bones. Let me take care of your wounds, sir.”

“Ugh, it’s fine. How far is your hand going… Wait, seamstress…”

I swept my hand along his chest and abs repeatedly. A transparent film of water shimmered over Ashur’s red eyes. Is it very painful? I gradually began to genuinely worry about him.

“Lower? Is there more?”

“Stop, please stop touching me. Please.”

His tightly packed eyelashes trembled, and his breathing became uneven, starting to come out in short bursts. Ashur had a face that seemed like he wanted to push me away immediately, but in reality, he only clenched his fist tightly and couldn’t even properly touch a single strand of my hair.

“Isn’t this going too far? Let me at least see your wounds!”

That way, my mocking heart would feel even a little relieved!

“No, don’t touch someone else’s body like that!”

“What on earth are you saying?”

“I can’t just leave you, sir.”

“What did you say?”

“If you’re low on blood, I can give you a blood transfusion. If you need a kidney transplant, I can give you one of mine. So please show me your wounds.”

“…”

“I want to give my sincere devotion to you, sir!”

“…”

Ashur’s red pupils swelled significantly. I faced his strangely frozen expression. Our gazes became entangled in the stillness.

“Ah…”

I realized belatedly that my statement could be misunderstood.

“What I meant was…”

Ashur’s face turned as red as a blooming rose in a garden. Behind the sharp alertness, an uncontrollable sense of embarrassment began to spread.

“But still, it’s not right.”

“…”

Ashur gritted his teeth and stood up. Then, with unsteady steps, he moved away from me. It seemed like I only now understood why Ashur desperately refused to reveal the location of his wounds.

“You really crossed the line.”

How insane and perverted must I have seemed, not even realizing that and asking him to show me? I angrily kicked the cup rolling on the floor. The cup adorned with a pink elephant decoration traced an arc as it fell and disappeared with a popping sound just before hitting the ground.

“Sir, even if I were hit, why there…?”

“Stop caring.”

Ashur was in agony to the point of blood vessels appearing on his neck. Apart from alternately pounding his back with my fists, there was nothing else I could do. But then, as if adding insult to injury, suddenly heavy rain started pouring. It wasn’t a light drizzle like mist, but a downpour as if holes had been torn in the sky.

We stood in the middle of the outdoor garden and in just a few seconds, we became like mice drowning in water. Ashur’s contorted face sank coldly, beyond salvage. Oh, five deities, no, four deities… Do I really have to make a priest who dedicated his entire life for you end up like this? Feeling flustered, I pushed Ashur’s waist.

“Sir, let’s move for now. It’s a shame for your ‘little friend’ to be ruined, and if we stay here, you might catch a cold.”

“My ‘little friend’ is still intact. My body is not that weak.”

That’s what he says, but he cares about every little thing.

We dashed into the nearby sacristy. With each step we took, transparent raindrops fell onto the floor tiles depicting an archangel. I squeezed the water out of my hair and suddenly looked up at Ashur.

I captured the moment when a water droplet fell onto his clean, white cheek. As he lifted his sleeve, his sturdy bare wrist was revealed. Even his protruding wrist bones exuded perfect beauty as if they were sculpted. He had longer and fuller eyelashes compared to others. The raindrops desperately clung to his eyelashes, refusing to fall. Ashur wiped away the water calmly with his wet wrist.

“Look straight ahead.”

He casually warned me as I walked, looking straight ahead. He’s so strict. I grumbled silently for a moment and then obediently focused on what was in front of me.

The magnificent cathedral made of marble, bronze, and platinum caught my eyes belatedly. Even for those without a religion, standing here would evoke a grand sense of awe. I slowed my pace and looked down at Ashur standing under the cathedral. More than a hundred columns, dynamic and splendid ceiling paintings, and wall murals woven with fabric. In this place that represented the epitome of holiness, Ashur blended in without a trace of discomfort.

He was a seductive man who captivated people’s eyes and hearts, but ironically, he suited the image of purity, dignity, and innocence, reminiscent of white lilies. I even thought that perhaps the world could be peaceful because Ashur didn’t wield his appearance as a weapon. It was not an excessive fantasy, but a genuine thought.

‘Difficult situations will continue to arise until I share passionate love with Ashur.’

As time passed, Poring’s tactics were becoming more malicious. Ashur, who used to endure being touched to a certain extent, seemed to be reaching his limit.

It seemed better to spend the night with him before he experienced something even more embarrassing. I couldn’t endure suffering any longer, especially with blessings that didn’t feel like blessings at all. It was time to break free from this vicious cycle. To do that, I needed great courage and determination. It was better to act on my impulses when the feeling arose rather than dragging on aimlessly.

“Sir.”

I grasped the hem of Ashur’s garment and stood before him.

“Please spare some time for me.”

In response to my sudden proposal, Ashur looked at me with cautious eyes. It was natural for him to be wary of me.

“I won’t do anything strange, so come with me.”

Without waiting for his response, I grabbed his hand and led him. I heard a sigh from behind, but pretended not to hear.

I briefly left Ashur in a restaurant where the dinner preparations were in full swing. “Don’t move an inch from here. Not a single step!” After confirming several times that Ashur was still standing there with a furrowed brow, I entered the kitchen.

Among the restaurant staff, I found a young employee who appeared busy but didn’t seem to actually do anything.

“I’ve come on behalf of Priest Ashur. He asked me to take any leftover alcohol.”

The young employee asked with an inexperienced expression.

“Priest Ashur?”

I subtly turned my body and gestured with my chin towards Ashur, who was standing still in front of the kitchen. The young employee’s cheeks turned red in an instant when he saw Ashur. Without even considering suspecting me, the employee immediately nodded his head. Then he handed me a bottle of wine, which I cradled in my arms. As I walked out of the kitchen, I naturally picked up two cups.

“What’s going on?”

I took a sip of wine from cups, then smiled mischievously.

“It’s the medicine that will cure our complicated relationship.”

Finding an empty room in the spacious temple was a piece of cake compared to sneaking out alcohol. I pushed Ashur into the empty conference room and locked the door. Ashur had a face full of discontent. Even though he was following me, he didn’t seem to understand at all why he was here.

“I don’t want to be involved with the seamstress in any way.”

“Yes, I thought the same way too.”

“What do you mean?”

I pulled open the deep red curtain. Through the clean window with raindrops leaving long trails, the outside scenery was visible. I brought two chairs near the window. Until I took a seat, Ashur kept his guard up, staying far away from me.

“Please sit.”

“If you have something to say, say it there.”

“I sincerely apologize to the priest.”

“….”

When I turned my head, our gazes met, and a glimmer of tension flashed between us. He deliberately turned his head away from my gaze. How unpredictable. Ashur didn’t move farther away from me, but if I showed even the slightest interest, he would react as if lightning had struck, startled and fleeing. Suddenly, I recalled the times I used to give treats to a wary black cat. Ashur and that cat both had black fur.

I completely relaxed my body and slouched onto the chair.

“If I ever try to mock you again, restrain me with your strength. Do you really think your arm can’t overpower my thigh?”

“…I’ve never thought of using force against the seamstress. And I won’t in the future.”

His tone indicated rather irritated feelings. I shrugged my shoulders. Whatever.

“I have no desire to receive punishment from you, either. I’m just sincere enough to say such things. Sit down, quickly.”

I tapped the chair. Ashur hesitated for a while, then forcefully called me, He let out a long sigh. His expensive legs finally moved.

“Not there, sit on my lap.”

As soon as Ashur took his seat, words involuntarily slipped out of my mouth.

“….”

“I want to be crushed by Priest’s plump buttocks and thigh muscles.”

“I will comply.”

“No! You can’t!”

I urgently grabbed Ashur’s arm. Disdain flickered in his eyes. Suddenly, a Poring appeared above his head, tap dancing as if it were having fun. I felt ecstatic as I placed my plump, round arms on his chubby waist.

On the other hand, I should consider myself lucky for not receiving a slap from Ashur.

“I have a tic. Mockery comes out involuntarily regardless of my will.”

Even after experiencing it multiple times, it was truly unfair to be treated like a pervert by him. It was a tremendous blow to be seen by the priest who embraces everyone with mercy and love as if I were a bug. As I held his arm desperately, my eyes brimming with tears, Ashur furrowed his brow.

“Priest…”

Ashur exerted a slight force and freed his arm from my grasp. Then he sat back down. Finally, my sincerity had gotten through to him. I felt a deep sense of relief as I poured wine into the cup.

“I don’t like alcohol.”

As I was about to hand him the cup, Ashur drew a line first. I brought the alcohol because of Ashur… Nothing goes as I wish, just like my heart.

I wanted to hear his true feelings. What could be the reason for Ashur, who vowed chastity without obligation?

Judging from his reaction when we were trapped in the warehouse last time, it seemed that Ashur wasn’t as reserved as the rumors suggested. His rationality was quickly consumed by desire, and he had come rushing towards me, trembling enough to forget his surroundings.

If I set the mood right, we could unexpectedly spend a casual night together.

However, if his vow was much more serious than I anticipated, not only would my seduction fail, but there was also a risk of Ashur expelling me from the temple altogether.

“You don’t seem interested in love, don’t like alcohol, and don’t seem to hang out with friends. So, how do you relieve stress?”

“One-dimensional pleasures only corrupt a noble body and mind.”

“You’re younger than me by five years, yet you live life as dull as an eighty-year-old. How boring.”

“…You think I’m younger than the seamstress? By five years?”

“Why are you so surprised? What’s even stranger is that you didn’t know. Just accept the cup.”

Even when I forcibly placed the cup in his hand, Ashur didn’t even think to refuse and just blankly stared ahead. I could still feel his gaze burning on my cheek until I finished drinking my glass of wine. Only after I put down the glass and turned my head did Ashur finally move. He silently placed the untouched cup in his hand on the floor. He didn’t take a single sip.

I drowned myself in alcohol, using the sound of pouring rain as background music. Ashur silently maintained his position next to me, and as time passed, I could sense his rationality fading away.

“Do you think I’ll get drunk?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t get drunk with just this amount.”

“Your cheeks are redder than before. Please stop drinking.”

“If I get drunk and cling to you, just leave me behind.”

“Then who will escort the seamstress to her room?”

“Oh, so you were thinking of escorting me. How noble of you.”

“…”

“But even if I drink two more bottles of the same thing, I’ll be fine.”

As the intoxication set in to some extent, my tongue and lips felt lighter. I opened my mouth, reminding myself of the original purpose.

“Why do you think I came to the temple?”

Although Ashur didn’t respond, I could clearly read his thoughts from his expression. It seemed like he believed I had intentionally approached him here, aiming for his body. Unintentionally, a faint laugh escaped me. You have quite an ego. I poured wine into the cup and emptied it in one go. Ashur’s face contorted as if he had seen a monster.

“It’s hard to believe, but I was drawn here. You know that feeling, right? It feels like being trapped in a dark mine. I took a spoon and madly dug through a wall that wouldn’t budge, hoping to see some light. But then a faint light seeped through from the side, and a horde of mice with spoons rushed toward the light.”

“…”

“Everything collapsed with a crash. Everything I had built up was gone in an instant.”

“What did the seamstress want?”

Unexpectedly, Ashur reacted to my words.

“A designer. I poured out everything I had. But one of the mice chewed up my dress before judgment.”

It hadn’t even been a month since my hope had been distorted. The despair of that day hadn’t completely healed enough for me to talk about it calmly. However, I had managed to pretend to be fine. I turned my head to face Ashur.

“Since I shared my story, please tell me about yourself.”

“Life isn’t interesting.”

“Maybe someone finds it interesting that my life has gone to ruin and talks about it.”

“…That’s not what I meant.”

“Why do you want to keep your chastity? Even though you’re not obligated.”

I wasn’t being sarcastic; I was genuinely curious. I pulled my knees up onto the chair and turned my body towards Ashur. He stared at my mouth with a wax doll-like face. The sound of rain was as loud as thunder. He still wouldn’t speak, would he? In a fleeting moment when my expectation turned into disappointment, something damp touched my mouth and then fell away.

Instinctively, I blinked and leaned back. What had brushed against my mouth was Ashur’s sleeve. What was that about? However, the brief moment of doubt was completely washed away by his sinking voice.

“I made a vow.”

Oh, he’s going to talk. I nodded continuously.

“What did you vow to your god…?”

“To my first love.”

…What? The slight drunkenness that had clouded my mind dissipated like a wave. Ashur had a first love? It was as absurd and nonsensical as the fact that the god of love had the form of an elephant. It didn’t seem like Ashur was lying…

I moved my stiff lips and asked.

“Who is it, exactly?”

“She is not here. She answered the call of the gods before me. When I met you on the stairs last time, it was her anniversary.”

The faint fragrance of chrysanthemums that emanated from Ashur that day naturally came to mind. Ashur had been keeping his vow to his first love all this time, not to preserve his purity in order to serve the gods with a chaste body. I couldn’t grasp what to say in response to this unexpected aspect of purity.

At that moment, the sound of a heavy door scraping against the floor was heard from a distance.

“Who’s inside?”

Due to the sudden intrusion, our first drinking session quickly came to an end. I don’t even know how we returned to our quarters. All I knew was that I was in a crazy situation where I had to trample on Ashur’s purity.

*

The monsoon season had officially begun. Dark clouds covered the sun and moon, and occasional lightning struck fiercely. As I quietly watched the city shutting down, I closed the curtains.

It was a perfect night for our operation.

“Poring, I really only trust you. You know that, right?”

-Well, yeah.

I had tried to calm my mind during the day, but as I was about to start, my heart began to race again. I fixed my restless gaze on Poring. Poring wore the purple nose cover I had made and tilted its head playfully. I nervously grasped its round ears with both hands.