There Is No Paradise Where You Escaped - Chapter 50

Five short yet long days had passed. On the day they were finally set to depart from Rottermond for the capital, trouble erupted.

Susanna, who had been shivering and coughing since the fourth evening, fell ill at dawn on the fifth day. Consequently, her trip to the capital was canceled—and so was Charlotte’s.

The root of the issue lay in Susanna’s original plan: she had brought Charlotte to Rottermond in the first place to prevent Edwin and Vivianne from being alone together for a whole week. However, not wanting to travel to the capital with Charlotte, Susanna had written to Charlotte’s fiancé, Zimmerman, inviting him to Rottermond. Now, Zimmerman was on his way to meet Charlotte, which meant she had no choice but to stay behind.

Edwin, who despised the idea of Charlotte staying, had tried everything to take her with him. But as soon as he heard that the baron was coming, he changed his stance. Charlotte, too, couldn’t find a valid excuse to abandon Baron Zimmerman and leave Rottermond, so she had no choice but to give up on the trip.

It had been a cunning and meticulous scheme, but in the end, the one trapped by it was Susanna herself. And she wasn’t the only one bound by its consequences.

Now, Vivianne found herself alone in the carriage with Edwin. Unlike Charlotte, she desperately searched for a reason to stay in Rottermond. However, her slow wit left her helpless against the pressing time, and she had no choice but to climb into the carriage.

A state of emergency had been declared at Rottermond Manor because Baron Baytness had died from tuberculosis. Fearful that the Baroness’s cold might develop into tuberculosis, the household confined her to her room. 

As a result, the Baytness carriage quietly departed from Rottermond Manor.

The creak of wheels against the dirt roads pierced the silence as the carriage jostled rhythmically. Its lurching motion swayed Vivianne’s body in time with the bumps.

Vivianne sat with her back straight and lowered her gaze. At the edge of her vision, she saw a black shoe just a finger’s distance away from her own. It felt as though it might touch hers at any moment, but Vivianne chose to be understanding, considering how uncomfortable it must be for Edwin with his long legs.

“I just want to make it clear: just because we’re alone, it doesn’t mean you can touch or hug me like last time,” she said.

“Clench your fists this time. Your palms don’t hurt at all.”

In response to her firm warning, Edwin merely scoffed.

Vivianne frowned slightly and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“If you try, I’ll jump out of this carriage. If you ever feel the urge to hold me, just strangle me instead.”

Rather than answering, he stretched his legs further, his smile widening just as much. His shoe now touched the tip of hers.

Normally, Vivianne would have moved aside to give him more room, but this time, determined not to act too ladylike, she stubbornly stayed put. She also didn’t avoid his icy blue gaze. Their stares clashed in silent defiance.

Edwin let out a lazy chuckle and slowly closed his eyes. Leaning back with his arms crossed, the fatigue on his face was unmistakable.

Realizing that she had just scolded someone who was already exhausted, Vivianne suddenly felt awkward and embarrassed. She quietly turned to look out the window.

For a while, the carriage was peaceful.

Like a child cradled in a mother’s arms, the rocking of the carriage lulled them to sleep. Her eyelids grew heavier, and she drifted in and out of slumber repeatedly.

“Vivianne.”

Then, the drowsy peace was shattered. Startled by his low, gravelly tone, Vivianne’s eyes snapped open. In her drowsy, dizzy vision, she saw Edwin.

He was motioning toward the seat beside him. At first, she thought she was imagining things, still half-asleep. But as her mind cleared, he gestured once more for her to come closer.

Vivianne let out a breath and shook her head.

“Then jump out.”

A quiet laugh escaped him as he murmured the words casually.

She blinked, wondering if she had misheard.

“If you don’t come sit next to me, I’ll go to you.”

“…”

“And then I’ll touch you. I’ll hold you. If you don’t want that, you’d better jump out of the carriage right now.”

She was speechless with disbelief as Edwin urged her to jump from the carriage with a radiant, flawless smile. The idea of jumping had been nothing but an empty threat moments ago, but now, she truly felt the urge to do it.

The man before her was someone who wouldn’t rest until he trampled over her thoughts and emotions. If situations like this were bound to repeat endlessly, she would rather be crushed under the carriage wheels and trampled by horse hooves than endure them.

“You think I won’t do it?” She hissed.

“Go ahead. Try.”

Vivianne bit the inside of her cheek.

The drowsiness that had weighed down the carriage was long gone.

Her heart raced as she eyed the firmly shut door. Her breath quickened, and her hands clenched her skirt, seized by a fear-laced grip.

Life is sweetest before death, she thought.

In that moment, she hated Edwin so much that it nearly brought tears to her eyes.

Clenching her jaw, she balled her hands into fists.

As she scooted closer to the carriage door, his lazy, sleep-tinged smile still lingered on Edwin’s face.

As Vivianne looked at him, standing unsteadily in the shaking carriage, the thought of jumping out began to feel like a justified course of action.

      Should I really jump?

Her earlier boldness quickly drained away, leaving only pride. But now, Vivianne’s reckless determination surged, and she reached out to grab the carriage door handle.

And at that moment—

Her body wobbled, and she thought the carriage had shaken violently.

She struggled to regain her balance, but it was futile—she was being pulled.

Vivianne quickly grasped what had happened.

The carriage hadn’t shaken.

Edwin had grabbed the fabric of her skirt and yanked her off balance.

Without resistance, her weight shifted, and she tumbled onto the seat beside him, landing with an unceremonious thud.

Vivianne struggled against him, but escape was impossible—his arm was already locked around her waist.

“Why are you doing this to me? Just strangle me already! Why do you keep…!”

“You knew I’d catch you.”

The wild thrashing of her arms—pushing, shoving, striking his shoulders—halted.

“You could jump a hundred times, and every time, I’d still catch you. And yet, you keep putting on this useless act.”

Vivianne, embarrassed that he had seen right through her, mumbled under her breath but couldn’t find a proper rebuttal.

Meanwhile, Edwin pulled her even closer, pressing their bodies together, and rested his head on her small shoulder. His soft hair tickled her cheek, making her flinch. When his other hand gently caressed her abdomen, she instinctively held her breath.

Vivianne grabbed his wrist to push him away, but he flipped his palm and laced his fingers through hers, trapping her completely—bound by his grip on both her hand and waist.

“Your Grace, let me go.”

Vivianne whispered, lowering her voice. There was firmness in her words.

“I’m growing tired of repeating myself. You know this is wrong, Your Grace. Please don’t tarnish your dignity like this.”

She tried reasoning with him calmly, but Edwin didn’t respond, so Vivianne began to squirm.

“Stay still.” 

His warning tone tightened his hold, making it clear he had no intention of letting go. Unable to find a way to escape, she decided to simply wait him out. She remained still, enduring the weight of his body pressing against her shoulder.

Time passed.

The gentle rocking of the carriage was like a lullaby, and the warmth of his body eased her tension. The sensation of his hair softly brushing against her cheek added weight to her eyelids. Every time drowsiness overtook her, she forced her eyes to stay open.

Eventually, his arm around her waist and the hand gripping hers loosened. Carefully, Vivianne tilted her head slightly to look at him—Edwin was asleep. He had fallen asleep while leaning against her, holding her waist, and grasping her hand.

Vivianne hadn’t expected to see his sleeping face, and for a brief moment, she simply stared, caught off guard.

It was an unfamiliar sight. The usual cold sharpness of his blue eyes was gone, replaced by the innocence of a boy lost in slumber. It reminded her of a summer day long ago when she had seen him drenched in sweat.

An odd urge flickered through her mind—to run her finger over his long eyelashes. His lips, slightly full and tinged with red, were the same shade as the ripe berries often seen at the manor.

Realizing what she was doing, Vivianne quickly averted her gaze and cleared her throat awkwardly.

Her arm, wedged between the carriage wall and his body, had to be uncomfortable for both of them. Moving with caution so as not to wake him, she carefully pulled her arm free.

But at that moment, Edwin woke up.

Vivianne flinched, expecting him to pull her close again, but he didn’t. Instead, he simply adjusted his position and, without a word, rested his head against her shoulder once more, falling back asleep.

So, he just needed a shoulder to lean on.

Why didn’t he just say so? Did he really have to go this far?

Though the thought crossed her mind, she doubted she would have complied even if he had asked nicely.

Then, a sweet, musky scent lingered around him, pulling her gaze back.

────── ✾ ──────

The carriage suddenly jolted as it hit a rock, bouncing high into the air. The impact startled Vivianne awake, her drowsy eyes blinking open.

In that fleeting moment, she became acutely aware of why she had been sleeping so comfortably, so much so that she had even forgotten she was inside a moving carriage.

Flustered, she quickly lifted her head.

“Did you sleep well?”

Just before she had drifted off, Edwin had looked as innocent as a young boy, leaning against her shoulder.

But the Edwin she now faced was cold and unreadable.

And to make matters worse, as her startled gaze dropped lower, she saw it.

A damp spot on his black coat, standing out all too clearly.

A drool stain.

Still groggy from sleep, Vivianne found herself in the worst possible situation. She was drowning in sheer embarrassment. Her face burned red as she hastily pulled out a handkerchief and scrubbed at Edwin’s sleeve. But no matter how hard she rubbed, the dark stain wouldn’t disappear.

Why hadn’t I jumped out of the carriage earlier? I should have.

If she was going to disgrace herself like this—dozing off against his shoulder and even drooling—then throwing herself onto the road would have been the better option.

“Vivianne.”

Startled by his voice, she stopped wiping his jacket. Her wide eyes went stiff, her expression frozen in place, as if she hadn’t even realized what she was doing.

Edwin chuckled before reaching out and roughly wiping the corner of her lips with his thumb.

Vivianne frowned and flinched as she felt his hand move away, then noticed something glistening in his retreating fingers.

The moment she realized what had just happened—that he had wiped away the saliva at the edge of her lips—she plunged into a deep abyss of despair.

Her ears and nape burned with humiliation as she grabbed Edwin’s hand and cleaned it more delicately, her touch far softer than his rough one.

As Edwin reached out with his other hand and gently grasped her bright red ear, Vivianne turned to look at him. He slowly rubbed the heated skin, the warmth beneath his fingertips reminding him of how peaceful she had looked in sleep.

“It’s just me here. No one else saw,” he murmured.

The sleeping woman hadn’t woken up or pulled away, even when he had touched her cheek so gently. She hadn’t seemed embarrassed or ashamed, even though her lips were slightly parted, drool seeping out. Vivianne had slept soundly, unconcerned with how she looked or who might see her like that.

It was a sight Edwin wouldn’t want anyone else to witness—just him.

A sight he wanted to be the only one to see.

The image of Vivianne, asleep against his shoulder, became seared into Edwin’s mind.

“So why are you so embarrassed now?”

“I—I’m not embarrassed! I just… I was worried Your Grace might find it dirty…”

Vivianne tried to put on a brave front, pursing her lips and straightening her posture as she returned his hand to him.

“You told me not to touch you, but you don’t seem to mind touching me.”

Edwin leaned against the window, teasing her as she stubbornly stared into the distance.

“I wasn’t touching you—I just wiped it. Your hand got dirty…”

“It wasn’t dirty.”

“Of course it was. Someone else’s saliva—”

“Someone else’s is dirty, yes.”

His quiet laughter filled the carriage, making Vivianne squeeze her eyes shut and turn away. Her face burned with mortification as she wiped her lips once more.

“But it was yours. So it wasn’t dirty.”

Vivianne could only pray for this long journey to end.

She desperately wanted to escape this cramped space where they were trapped together.