There Is No Paradise Where You Escaped - Chapter 77

It was a sunny autumn afternoon like any other. As a rather chilly wind swept in, the letter paper on the desk fluttered. As Sophie closed the window, Vivianne gave her a grateful glance. Refocusing on her letter, Vivianne adjusted her grip on the pen.

A letter had arrived—for the first time in a while—from Mr. Shaffer, who was now living in the South. He mentioned that he had happened to come across the Farrington newsletter, and his first question was whether Vivianne had become the Duke of Baytness’s lover. He said he hadn’t expected things to turn out this way, but if Vivianne were to become a duchess, then the Avelines would gain a reliable son-in-law. He added that they would return soon; his letter was filled with a mix of misfortune and hope.

Since nothing else was mentioned, it seemed Mr. Shaffer didn’t know about the rumors surrounding Miss Chadwick or the ridiculous gossip that Vivianne had been the Duke’s mistress.

Vivianne found it bitterly ironic that she could only console herself with that small mercy.

Unable to decide how to respond, she spent her time staring at the blank paper. It had already been several days.

All she had to do was write that it wasn’t true, yet she couldn’t bring herself to move the pen.

We certainly weren’t lovers. We couldn’t be lovers.

They weren’t in love, nor had they made any passionate promises.

And yet, they embraced and kissed each other.

The Duke, who could’ve taken her at will, had instead dressed her.

If she were someone he meant to kill, he could’ve crushed and broken her, tormented her to his heart’s content before delivering death. But instead, he had gone to great lengths to avoid hurting her.

Perhaps it was all part of some plan to make the poison work more effectively, but she sensed no malice.

Vivianne, who had experienced the full force of his hostility firsthand, had ample reason to believe so.

Then why?

At some point, she had lost the ability to understand the Duke’s true intentions. Every action had to have a reason. There must be a reason for him treating her kindly, for him tending to her heart.

Vivianne could think of only one possible reason, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it aloud.

How could she shamelessly ask such a thing of someone who wanted her dead, of someone who had every reason to hate her, of someone who had lost his beloved family because of hers?

Especially when she already knew the answer.

Then what am I to him?

There was only one answer to that question in the end:

A target of desire. A target of hatred. And a target of a promise.

Vivianne knew she would never find the reason behind his smile, no matter how long she spent wondering.

Unable to give Mr. Shaffer a satisfying answer, Vivianne took out a new sheet of paper.

This time, she was going to write to Theo.

Vivianne swiftly began to jot down her stories: the beautiful forest trail she had seen in Rottermond, the gallery in Rottermond Castle, the nightscape of Farrington, Mrs. Green’s dresses, the somewhat shocking palace interior, and the grand greenhouse teeming with rare plants and animals that had made her eyes go wide.

And the Queen’s secret hobby.

And that final night, when she had to witness someone being whipped.

And lastly…

Vivianne stopped her pen right there.

Startled, she had nearly written freely about the kiss she had shared with Edwin without even realizing it. In surprise, she dropped her pen. It rolled across the desk and fell to the floor, splattering ink in every direction.

Horrified by the mess, she pressed a hand to her forehead. She quickly grabbed a dry cloth and crouched on the floor.

While wiping up the ink beneath the desk, her movements gradually came to a halt as she recalled what had happened in the maze garden.

Her dazed mind lingered in the garden, beneath the statue, on that day, the sensation of his lips softly sucking, the feeling of him pressing deep inside. The slick, damp intensity of those sensations was impossible to shake.

In fact, the more she remembered it, the more intensely she longed to experience that touch just once more.

Before long, she came back to her senses.

She tried to stand up quickly, only to bump the back of her head hard against the underside of the desk. She groaned, whimpering in pain.

Vivianne, face twisted in agony, let out one last whimper as she slumped into the chair.

What on earth is happening to me?

Stunned, she stared blankly down at the half-finished letter.

How had things come to this?

Vivianne thought the devil must completely possess her. There was no other explanation for why she would ever want something like that with him.

Or perhaps, the Duke had surely used some trick on her.

She recalled once reading about a herb that could cloud the mind. If the herb was carefully brewed and given to someone, they would be enchanted as if under a love spell, helplessly drawn in and willing to give everything.

If such a herb truly existed, then the Duke must have drugged her to weaken her mind and exploit her vulnerability in order to satisfy his desire.

He claimed he only wanted a kiss, but he would surely use that as an excuse to eventually claim her.

Unable to finish the letter, Vivianne abruptly stood up.

She needed proof — proof that he had done something wrong with her.

────── ✾ ──────

On her way to return a finished book to the library, Charlotte spotted Vivianne entering the doorway with a determined expression.

A mischievous impulse struck her, and Charlotte tiptoed in after her.

Vivianne headed straight for the medical texts section, pulling out several volumes and flipping through them.

Charlotte wanted to startle her for fun, but she abandoned the prank, fearing Vivianne’s frail heart might give out.

When she gently knocked on the bookshelf, Vivianne, who had been quickly scanning the pages, looked up.

When she saw Charlotte’s face, her expression brightened with delight.

“Charlotte!”

“What are you doing in here?”

Charlotte also smiled, approaching to glance at the book Vivianne was reading.

Vivianne, clearly wanting to hide something, closed the book with a slightly awkward expression. She looked a little embarrassed, with a touch of shyness.

“… I was just looking something up. It’s more extensive than I thought, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to find it.”

Curious, Charlotte quickly glanced at the title of the book Vivianne had just closed.

To her surprise, it was none other than an encyclopedia of herbal medicine.

“Why are you looking up herbs?”

“Oh, uh, just… You know… in case I might need it someday.”

Vivianne’s hurried motion to return the book to its shelf only made her seem more suspicious.

Charlotte found it a little frustrating — Vivianne was utterly incapable of lying. Still, if she had a secret, it was only polite to respect it, so she decided not to press the issue any further.

“By the way, Charlotte, what brings you to the library? Did you come to read?” Vivianne asked, changing the subject with a bright smile.

Charlotte held up the book she was carrying.

“I just came to return this one. I’ve finished it. I was going to pick out another.”

“Oh? You finished this already?”

Vivianne took the book from Charlotte’s hands, her eyes full of delight and curiosity.

“Yes. I really like this author, but I couldn’t find any other works besides this one. I mean, I could probably find more if I looked hard enough, but this library is huge…”

Charlotte smiled wistfully, but Vivianne, visibly excited, took her hand and pulled her along.

Startled by the sudden gesture, Charlotte let herself be led, watching curiously as Vivianne navigated the bookshelves.

Then Vivianne’s body bounced lightly with excitement as she found what she was looking for.

“Here it is! Right here.”

Vivianne had brought her to a shelf dedicated to books by the very author Charlotte liked.

“I really love this author, too. That’s why my father collected all their works and kept them here. From here to here — it’s all arranged in the order they were published. The one you read must’ve been a book I finished ages ago and just put back somewhere randomly. Looks like that’s the one you found! See the gap here?”

In the middle of the tightly packed shelf, there was one empty space. Vivianne slid the book into it and, like a magician finishing a trick, spread her hands as if she’d performed magic.

“This is where that book belongs.”

Her innocent, radiant face made Charlotte break into a smile.

“My goodness. So you liked this author, too.”

“Looks like we really have similar tastes. Oh — if you’re going to keep reading this author’s books, I recommend this one. You won’t regret it.”

Vivianne rose slightly on her toes, grabbed another book, and handed it to her.

The light dancing in her eyes left no room for doubt about the recommendation.

Charlotte took it without hesitation and left the library, leaving Vivianne behind to keep browsing.

But before Charlotte had even walked a few steps, she came face-to-face with Edwin.

There he was — the man who could take her breath away just by existing.

“Coming from the library?” He asked.

The joy she had felt after seeing Vivianne plummeted, her chest tightening painfully.

Tears threatened to spill, but Charlotte managed to hold them back and forced a smile.

“Yes. I finished a book.”

She gave a short reply, and Edwin nodded.

That was the end of the conversation. It was time for her to turn away.

She forced her heavy steps forward and passed by him.

Love was over. It was time to grow up.

After chanting that to herself countless times, her aching heart calmed down just a little.

Once she had fully distanced herself from Edwin, Charlotte turned the corner and stopped in her tracks.

It didn’t get any better. Not even a little.

She wasn’t okay.

The more Charlotte accepted their parting, the more her will to live faded.

She no longer knew what she was supposed to live for, what she was supposed to see or hold onto.

She was at a loss for what she should do to fill the rest of her life.

Her chest tightened, and she gasped for breath. Then, her eyes happened to land on the cover of the book Vivianne had recommended.

Only then did she realize she had already read it. With a reluctant sigh, Charlotte turned back the way she came.

She considered waiting until tomorrow to exchange the book; she didn’t want to disappoint those bright gray eyes that had sparkled with warmth. But in the end, she decided it would be better to get another recommendation instead.

Standing in front of the library once more, Charlotte made her way through the maze-like rows of bookshelves toward where Vivianne had been. Since she had been researching herbs, she was probably still there.

“Your Grace… this place is…”

A soft, unfamiliar voice — barely a whisper — made Charlotte freeze mid-step. Her eyes widened. Her body went rigid.

Mixed with ragged breathing and faint moans, the muffled sounds grew clearer.

Frantically, her eyes searched for the source.

“If someone sees us…”

“There’s no one. No one at all.”

Edwin’s voice, unmistakably his, drove a sharp arrow into Charlotte’s heart.

Barely able to stand, she crept quietly toward the sound.

Then she stopped.

Through the neatly arranged shelves, she saw them.

There they were — obscenely entangled.

“But, Your Grace… this is the library. Anyone could come in.”

“So what if they do? What can they even do? This space belongs to you and me.”

“Th-that’s…”

Vivianne’s lips quivered with hesitation, and then Edwin’s lips descended to cover them.

Vivianne didn’t push him away. She accepted the deep kiss completely.

The sound of their lips meeting echoed through the quiet library.

The heavy, sticky air vibrated around them, dampening the space as their feelings for each other were confirmed.

Charlotte couldn’t tear herself away.

The secret tryst continued without pause as if it would never end.

The world revolved around the two of them, and everything else stopped.

And Charlotte’s world stopped, too.