You Said You Wanted Us to Break Up - Chapter 61

Our lips briefly touched and then parted. Our foreheads cautiously met. The shimmering blue looked down at me from such a close distance that I could feel the heat within it.

Sioden brushed my cheek with the hand that had been cradling half of his face. The protruding knuckles, connecting the fingers and the back of his hand, lightly grazed my skin with the scent of leather kissed by the outside air.

Unlike me, who had briefly removed my gloves for the performance, he wore thin gloves made of black leather.

A surprisingly gentle touch, almost unsuitable for a man who looked so cold, slid down my ear and gradually descended. When his hand, separated by a layer of leather, finally intertwined between my neck, shoulder, and then my arm and wrist, I heard the sound of the keys ringing out.

Startled by the sudden noise, I trembled, realizing too late that Sioden had placed his left hand on the organ. My left hand, now captured by him, was where it originally belonged.

Sioden didn’t even give me a moment to think about what that meant. He demanded in a low, split voice.

“Keep playing.”

Before I could respond, our lips met again. This kiss was rougher and more persistent than the last.

As his tongue swept through my mouth as if searching for hidden secrets, I almost blurted out, I like you.

However, the breath that could have transformed my thoughts into words was swallowed entirely by him, leaving no sound to escape my lips. Only small moans escaped whenever our breaths tangled in their rapidity.

Normally, Sioden was much more mature than I was, but at that moment, he seemed like an impatient boy. Like a child climbing a wall at night, his probing tongue was hasty. He was so stirred up that it could be described as passionate.

With his tongue so entangled, my fingertips couldn’t possibly remain rational.

I pressed the keys as he instructed, but I couldn’t even be sure if I was keeping the rhythm, let alone the technique.

Sioden adjusted his left hand to match mine. Of course, I couldn’t even consider his rhythm or tempo.

The music, which no one cared about, was naturally a mess.

The organ is not an instrument that can be played with just hands, and we had never played together before. There was no way we could produce a pleasant result.

Sioden must have certainly recognized that fact.

Even someone who has never learned to play the organ could immediately recognize that what we created in that moment was a clear dissonance.

Though my hands were out of control, my ears were still my own, and I soon realized how terrible my playing was.

Yet Sioden pressed the keys as if there were no problems at all.

As if the fact that we didn’t match at all didn’t bother him.

The performance, which played an easy piece in the most difficult way, ended with the conclusion of our kiss.

As soon as our lips parted, Sioden pulled me in. His arm wrapped around my back. It was a gentle embrace, as if he were holding something precious.

I, as I always did when he did such things, did not resist and let my body go limp. I slowly caught my breath, which had become quite ragged.

As I surrendered my body to his characteristic, hot, and tingling warmth, his solid and large hand cradled the back of my head. Sioden spoke softly.

“I will show you how to play properly next time.”

Perhaps it was because he rested my head against his chest. A vibration that seemed to flow from his heart scattered through the heated air.

The promise of the future transformed into an unfamiliar yet exciting flutter.

Even if it was merely a momentary amusement for him, it was a feeling I wanted to believe was love.

While soaking me in unfamiliar emotions, Sioden did not show his face until the end. Still, in that moment, I believed that Sioden felt the same way I did.

“Is there any way to avoid believing in baseless words?”

His late excuse made me fall into such a delusion.

* * *

Contrary to that day’s promise, I never had the chance to appreciate Sioden’s performance.

Not long after, a knight from Rowen killed a knight from Raslet.

They said it was an honorable duel.

So, no one knew that as a result, my honor would fall to the ground.

The deceased knight was one of the sons of the Raslet vassals.

Sioden was very busy dealing with that incident, and as always happened when something related to Rowen occurred, he grew cold towards me.

Not wanting to irritate him, I stopped playing the organ.

However, my efforts to stay as quiet as possible were in vain.

Sioden moved the organ to the main hall. He never explained why, but everyone in the castle knew the reason.

Because Merwen was living in the main hall at that time.

Afterwards, due to several events, I went down to the Annex, but until then, Merwen still resided in the main hall. The room had belonged to her since the time of the late Duke Raslet.

Everyone’s speculation was true.

There was no need to doubt it. I saw it with my own eyes.

After the organ was moved to the main hall, I was called there for a statement. At that time, I happened to see Merwen playing the organ.

Sioden, who was standing next to the keyboard chair and looking down at the instrument, approached me when he spotted me.

The words he said while taking me to where I belonged are still vivid in my memory.

“I moved it to the main hall because it would become unnecessary.”

What did that mean?

Just because I easily understood Sioden’s words didn’t mean my heart wasn’t hurt.

At that moment, I was certainly sad. I cried so much after returning to the annex that I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. At the time, Apple, who was still in the castle, tried to comfort me, but I realized for the first time that there was a sadness that could not be soothed merely by the presence of that girl.

However, the incident didn’t end with just my sadness.

Not long after I returned from the main hall, the organ was damaged.

The culprit of that incident was blamed on Apple. In fact, I was the one who raised suspicions, but Sioden, despite his annoyance, could not drive the lady out of the castle and punished Apple instead.

I heard that the damaged organ was soon repaired. However, since that day, Sioden locked the organ away in a room in the main hall and never opened the door again.

It was a twin door to the one in the annex, and although I could unlock it with the key he had given me, if I had even the slightest awareness, I would know why he closed the door.

I also understood that I should not recklessly open the door he had shut.

* * *

Yet, Sioden brought me back in front of the organ again.

In front of ‘that organ.’

I looked up at the man who stood still, just within reach if I stretched out my hand a little. My vision blurred, either from tears welling up or the situation itself. I knew that crying in such a situation would make me look weak and pathetic, but tears never considered my circumstances. They would swell and flow at the slightest provocation.

As if my heart felt the same way when it was pulled toward him against my will.

I averted my gaze from his, which surely contained kindness and pleading—two emotions unfamiliar to me—and lowered my eyes. With a voice already half-submerged in emotion, I muttered as calmly as I could.

“I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

Iella. Sioden called my name. His voice was cracked and sunken, mixed with the sound of the wind. It sounded as if I were choking him, filled with pain.

But the one who truly felt choked every time we faced each other was me.

Not him.

Ultimately, unable to hold back any longer, tears fell heavily. Sioden had likely seen it all, but I hurriedly raised my hand to cover my face. I didn’t want to give him the chance to witness me crying.

I knew how Sioden treated my sadness.

“Crying in front of me won’t change anything.”

The answer I received when I had begged him to leave only Apple by my side made me realize the reality of my situation.

No matter how much I cried, it must have looked to that man like a shallow trick to change the situation.

After that, Sioden never showed any signs of changing that perception.

There was no one who found it as easy as he did to erase a wound that could have been easily removed with just a bit of sympathy or warmth.

The man who had made me realize that our relationship had already hit rock bottom was now trying to pull me up with comfort, and it was anything but pleasant. Until now, it had been a fact I couldn’t acknowledge because I didn’t want to be someone ungrateful.

But having been pushed to this point, I could no longer hold back.

It was too easy to swallow the thought that he must have his own circumstances, as Sioden had crossed the line between us with such indifference.

Now, when he approached me, I felt more fear than welcome.

Through the gaps of my hands covering my face, my unspoken feelings fell out.

“I don’t know what you want or why you’re tormenting me like this….”