You Said You Wanted Us to Break Up - Chapter 62

Through the gaps of her slender fingers, the words flowed out with such fear that my heart turned cold.

Sioden hurriedly denied it.

“I’m not trying to torment you.”

His actions were completely contrary to that intention.

“It was meant to correct a mistake.”

He had to prove his willingness to improve.

If he didn’t, Iella wouldn’t know what to endure for his sake.

The fact that Demian Rowen had come to Raslet meant more than just an uninvited guest visiting the castle.

The Iswen Rowen he encountered in the capital had demanded a letter about his sister’s recent circumstances. Later, when he arrived in the North and wrote a letter to the man, Sioden also mentioned what had happened to Iella.

Since it was a letter that had arrived in the South long ago, Demian would already know what had happened to Iella.

So, he would try to take Iella to the South by any means necessary.

He knew he had no right to stop that attempt. But at the very least, shouldn’t he make an effort to provide Iella with better options?

However, the situation was not easy.

A husband who had left an indelible scar with three years of no progress, and a brother who had come all the way from the South just to see her face.

It was clear which of the two Iella would prefer, without even having to think about it.

Iella had already lost interest in him. Though she hadn’t said it directly, Sioden felt that truth every moment he faced her.

The woman wouldn’t even meet his gaze or engage in conversation.

She didn’t even attend the trial, which could have been a stepping stone to reclaiming her innocence.

In response to his apologies, she would simply say it was fine, and to his attempts to clarify responsibility, she would respond that it didn’t matter.

Just like now.

“What’s the mistake?”

Iella blinked her wet eyes. She asked in a slightly sharp voice.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything was wrong.”

At least for Iella, it was.

Iella did not easily accept it. The defensive tone was evident in her trembling voice.

“Why? There were reasons for everything, weren’t there?”

The reasons don’t matter. No matter what justification there was, the harm he caused her does not disappear. So, he had no right to hold onto her until he properly atoned for it. That was something he wanted to avoid.

Iella looked up at him with tearful eyes. Her light green eyes held confusion and a slight resentment. Seeing those eyes, Sioden realized that no matter what he said today, it wouldn’t resonate with her.

He scratched his throat, trying to come up with a sentence that wouldn’t worsen the situation.

“I think the timing was inappropriate.”

Iella didn’t deny his words and sniffled. Her frail upper body trembled slightly. He thought that with such a small body, if she kept crying like that, she might become dehydrated. Sioden stopped her.

“Please stop crying. You might hurt yourself if you cry too much.”

The woman wiped her face without responding. Red marks were left on her naturally thin and soft skin. They were traces of tears. Knowing that if this continued, her eyes would become completely swollen, Sioden still couldn’t reach out. Iella seemed like she would rather endure the pain than let him wipe her face.

Sioden had never pondered such problems before. Although he had never voiced it, he was confident that Iella would not refuse his comfort.

In fact, Iella had looked up at him with eyes that needed consolation. If, just once, he had acted on his feelings back then, their current situation might have been different.

The missed opportunity from the past now bit at his heels. Before he did something he would regret because of that lingering attachment, Sioden clenched his fists.

Once spilled, water cannot be gathered again. The same goes for events that have already occurred. It was a simple fact, yet in that moment, Sioden felt as if his self-awareness was digging into his insides.

* * *

Throughout the return to her bedroom, Iella remained silent, and as soon as he brought her to the door, she hurriedly stepped inside as if fleeing from him.

He heard the voice of the maid waiting for her. “Miss!” After that, Iella muttered something. Her pronunciation was slurred, and her voice trembled, with traces of tears evident in her scattered excuses.

Before he could intrude further into her private life, Sioden stepped back from the door. He passed through the dimly lit corridors of the castle and the tapestries hanging on the walls that recorded the history of the dead.

Whenever he saw the meticulously woven fabric, a certain image would come to mind: a tapestry depicting a couple in white wedding attire celebrating in a Southern-style outdoor garden, made with colors so bright they were almost nauseating.

Iella had shown little reaction to that tapestry, but Sioden could not remain as indifferent as she was. He had completely burned that tapestry after the feast had ended and the commotion had settled. And just before the rebellion broke out, he sent the ashes to the crown prince. Afterward, the crown prince’s sister was beheaded, and like that tapestry, she was burned.

Though what had bothered him had vanished in that way, it felt as if the specter of that day still lingered within the castle walls.

“Don’t say any more.”

“……”

“I cannot believe anything you say anyway.”

That day, he missed the first opportunity to listen to the woman by throwing the brooch into the fire. It was an action that caused an endless series of misalignments, like a garment with the top button fastened incorrectly.

The weight of time added to the impulse he had not regretted at the time now pressed down on his shoulders.

Sioden, who had been walking without resisting that weight, stopped in front of the open room. It was the room where he had forgotten to close the door while taking the sobbing woman inside.

Through the gap in the door, the instruments under the moonlight gleamed sharply. Despite having come from the south, Sioden gazed at the instrument that had now completely become part of Raslet. Naturally, an incident associated with it came to mind.

* * *

It was during the early days of their marriage.

At that time, Iella’s servants from Rowen were caught embezzling the castle’s property.

Having only recently taken charge of the family, Sioden did not know how to resolve such matters when they arose. According to the norms, Iella should take responsibility, but he felt that if she did, the woman, still unfamiliar with the north, might never be able to let go of that burden.

He also had to consider that the first punishment would determine the subsequent actions. Was there not a certainty that similar incidents would not happen again in the future?

His vassals, who pretended to offer advice but constantly challenged his decisions, were also a problem.

In the midst of it all, Iella could not even respond properly to his question about whether she knew anything. As was often the case when he asked her something, she blinked her large eyes and wore a helpless expression. That was all.

If he were not bound by the family and if they had met each other purely from the heart without any calculations, perhaps that face alone would have sufficed. In fact, sometimes, just a single tear from her would calm his anger. However, others would not be swayed by just Iella’s troubled expression.

In the end, Sioden moved her to the annex. It was an attempt to separate her from the source of the problem and distract attention. After calming the commotion to some extent, he began to wonder if he had gone too far.

He had heard that she was a daughter loved and raised by her family. The words that Capren Rowen had raised her as if he would give her the whole world reached his ears. She must have lived in Rowen without ever hearing a harsh word, yet she was suddenly sent to the annex in the far north, which seemed quite pitiful.

If she had only felt a bit disappointed during the few nights he had spent awake, it would have been a comfortable life, but when he came to his senses, he found that he was already visiting the annex every day. He held items he had personally chosen, believing they would suit her well.

Not wanting to admit the honesty of his feelings, he sought a reason to visit her. One of the hastily concocted reasons was the belief that if he treated her well, she would grow attached to him.

This was not a feeling he had never experienced before. He had thought similarly when approaching Iella in the past. During the very early days of their marriage, Sioden had tried to be loved by the woman.

It was not an attempt at meaningless emotional play. Rather, he wanted to receive the same affection that a woman who loved her father and accepted marriage to him would have. That way, at least Iella would not think of using him for her father’s sake.

That attempt had ended in complete failure.

“It was a mistake.”

Before Iella could develop any feelings for him, he had only proven that he would lose his judgment first. Usually, one learns something from failure, doesn’t one? Yet during the time he was frequently visiting the annex, he did not feel the problems while repeating the same past mistakes.

To be honest, he had no intention of analyzing his failures. The responses he received every day were too satisfying for him to make rational judgments.

Whenever he brought her something, Iella would receive it and smile. Then she would speak in a voice that he had thought sounded pleasant from the very beginning.

“Thank you.”

The next day, when he visited again, what he had brought was placed in her study or bedroom. It felt good all day long, like the thrill he had experienced as a child when he climbed over a wall while heavily intoxicated.

Was it because now he could no longer feel the same happiness no matter what alcohol he drank? It is human nature to seek greater stimulation.

As the warmth of joy for him grew in the woman’s green eyes, Sioden wanted to do something even more special for her. He wanted her to be a little more pleased, to smile a little brighter, and thus create something that would linger in her memory longer.

So that even when he was not there, she would think of him, just as he would think of her smile all day long after returning to the main building. However, after having already given her all sorts of luxuries, there was nothing suitable left.

It was around that time that the thought of Evelyn’s organ came to mind.