You Said You Wanted Us to Break Up

Completed Novel now Available on Kofi.

Sioden, whom I encountered at the end of the corridor, stood there silently without saying a word. Only his deep blue eyes, which always gave me the same feeling regardless of his emotions, were directed toward me.

However, just his presence naturally reminded me of our last conversation.

* * *

Behind the complex and sudden assertion of love came an apology.

“…I’m sorry for saying something you didn’t want to hear.”

His voice was cracked, as if he himself couldn’t believe he was saying such things, and it was tinged with pain. If I had been more composed, I might have paid more attention to his discomfort.

The Sioden I had seen until now had never emotionally crumbled like this. I was so flustered that I stumbled over my words.

“I… I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

Love? Is it really possible for Sioden to say such things to me?

That wasn’t the only thing that felt strange. My own feelings were not the same as before. Unknowingly, the thoughts that had been in my head spilled out of my mouth.

“I thought it would feel good to hear you say you love me…”

Yet the emotions I felt now were completely the opposite. Rather than feeling good, my spine tingled. It felt as if I was facing a disaster that shouldn’t happen; my heart raced, and my hands and feet grew cold.

I needed to escape this situation.

That was the thought that dominated my mind at that moment.

I yanked my hand away from him. I stood up from the chair in the reception room, looked at him, and took a step back toward the door.

“L-Let’s talk later. Right now…”

Sioden stood up to follow me.

“Please don’t go.”

He approached me as urgently as my steps.

“I can explain. I can tell you why I made that choice…”

When the man’s hand reached out toward me, I instinctively turned my body. Our fingertips brushed against each other by a narrow margin. I reflexively squeezed my eyes shut. It was then that my true feelings slipped out.

“I don’t want to hear it!”

The shout came out so sharply that I was startled by my own ears.

When I opened my eyes, my heart sank, and I saw Sioden staring at me blankly. He looked so surprised that he hadn’t even retracted the hand he had extended, his face drained of color.

I hadn’t intended to react so violently. I felt a pang of regret for having made a mistake with him.

I fumbled for an excuse.

“You… you’ve also had times when you didn’t want to hear what I said. I think it’s that kind of feeling…”

With those words, I fled the reception room. Sioden did not try to stop me.

Leaving him behind, I walked quickly down the corridor. Even though I felt breathless all over, I couldn’t stop.

I didn’t need to be this afraid. Sioden wouldn’t forcefully hold me back. Unlike my two brothers, he had a sense of boundaries. He wouldn’t cross that line to exert pressure on me.

I knew that in my mind, but my body kept searching for a place to hide.

I finally managed to catch my breath after hiding in the bedroom and leaning against the door.

* * *

Now, the discomfort from a few days ago still lingered.

I was so taken aback that I couldn’t even bring myself to greet the man I had accidentally run into. It seemed that Sioden was equally unsure of what to say in this situation.

He scanned me with a trembling gaze. It was clear that his look conveyed more confusion than observation.

Eventually, he opened his mouth.

“I didn’t follow you.”

“……”

“I was just passing by. So…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence and wiped his face. I could see his long fingers, slightly knotted, trembling. Suddenly, I thought that I might appear to be waiting for him to speak if I continued like this.

Having a conversation with Sioden was one of the things I wanted to avoid the most right now.

“……I’ll be going in now.”

I slightly lowered my head and walked past him. Sioden stood there as if I had stabbed him in the back, not moving an inch. However, I could feel that his gaze followed me even without looking up.

Just before we completely parted ways, he called my name. “Iella.” His voice was weak and cracked.

Even a candle flame in a north wind would have been clearer than that; it felt as if a trap had been set beneath my heart.

If I stayed like this, everything inside me would be completely crushed. An instinctive anxiety began to creep up from my feet. Fearing that I might get caught by it, I hurriedly took a step forward.

Apple walked alongside me without saying a word, matching my anxious pace.

Only after turning the corner of the corridor did I realize that I couldn’t hear any sounds of someone following me. At that moment, I stopped and took deep, ragged breaths as Apple gently rubbed my back. With one hand, she held my hand tightly.

She rubbed my knuckles with her thumb.

“It’s okay.”

It was more like a spell that things would turn out okay rather than a genuine affirmation.

The tip of my nose felt a prickling warmth. At such times, I could feel my vision blurring as it usually did. The words that had been stuck in my throat spilled out.

“I want to go anywhere but here.”

This place felt too suffocating. Not as much as in Rowen, but what good was comparing?

In the end, it was still just as suffocating.

I remembered Demian’s words about how all my peers were traveling. I thought all his suggestions were lies, but I also wanted to travel. To a very faraway place, where no one could find us. A journey from which we would never return.

It was then that the hand that had been rubbing my back suddenly stopped. Only then did I realize I had said something that would hurt Apple.

I forced myself to steady my breath, which had turned hot, and said, “Forget it; those words didn’t come from my heart.”

In this world, there was no place for two women who had spent their entire lives locked away at home to go.

The North was under the domain of Raslet, and there was nowhere in the South, including the capital, that Rowen’s influence didn’t reach.

In this situation, staying in Raslet was the best option. It was better than being close to Iswen or Demian…

Before I could finish my thoughts, the tears that had been welling in my eyes fell like raindrops. My face flushed with heat. I lowered my head and hurriedly wiped my tears.

Apple silently pulled me into her embrace. When I was held in her arms, I couldn’t help but cry out loud.

I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but enduring it was too difficult.

* * *

After I saw Demian off, I caught a cold. I hadn’t even been outside for long, yet I started to feel feverish that very night.

Apple wrapped me up tightly and laid me in bed, then instructed me.

“You need to stay in the bedroom until you recover. If you push yourself, your illness will worsen.”

Even if she hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t have wandered outside. There was a chance I could run into someone while wandering around the castle, which would lead to an awkward situation.

I nodded, omitting the circumstances that would upset Apple.

“Okay.”

Perhaps it was because my voice was hoarse from the fever. Even after hearing my response, Apple’s expression remained uneasy. She reached out and gently stroked my forehead before getting up from my bedside.

“I’ll get you a warm cup of tea.”

I don’t know how long it had been since I lay back down after drinking the tea Apple brought me, but Luke came to visit.

Today, as usual, the man with a friendly face greeted me with a light hello and began to joke.

“Oh my, you’re completely buried under the blankets.”

He casually turned his head to look at Apple, who was standing by the bed.

“The maid has quite the skill. You can’t move at all, can you?”

It was probably an attempt to ease Apple’s wariness, but it had little effect. No, it could even be said to have backfired, as Apple’s brow slightly furrowed.

Luke seemed oblivious to her change in expression and continued to smile brightly.

After the examination, when Apple briefly left to deliver the prescription outside, Luke spoke up.

“The Duke said that if you have any requests, you should feel free to speak.”

I didn’t respond. It was obvious that whatever I said would reach Sioden’s ears, and I didn’t want to open my mouth.

Seeing my silence, Luke added a bit more warmly.

“From what I can see, it seems he would grant you anything.”

But the Sioden he was so confidently referring to had once refused even a plea to trust her.

Fortunately, before Luke could say anything more, Apple returned.

After finishing his tasks, Luke soon left.

As Apple brought in the medication prescribed, she glanced at the just-closed door.

“That doctor talks too much.”

I had thought that to some extent, but Luke was one of Sioden’s people. It wouldn’t be good for Apple to have a conflict with him. I tried to defend him a little to avoid unnecessary trouble.

“Maybe it’s just his bright personality.”

Apple still seemed dissatisfied with Luke. As she handed me the medicine, she muttered,

“He asks too many questions.”

“What did he ask?”

“It was something trivial.”

It was a question about me. I didn’t even get a response. Apple casually added that and placed a candy in my mouth after I finished the medicine. Her slightly rough hand brushed my cheek as if to reassure me.

Apple spoke nonchalantly.

“Don’t worry, miss. I can handle such small matters on my own.”

* * *

How many days had I been cooped up in the room?

In the dim early dawn before the sun rose, I woke up to the sensation of someone holding my hand and saw Apple looking down at me from beside the bed.

Apple? I called her name in a hoarse voice, and she replied gently.

“Miss, I have somewhere to go today during the day.”

She added,

“I’m sorry for leaving your side while you’re unwell….”

“It’s okay, I’m fine.”

Apple naturally needed personal time as well. Although we had been closely together for a long time due to the time spent apart, I had no intention of invading Apple’s privacy.

Still, it seemed like I should at least sit up to see her off, but Apple shook her head. “Just lie down.”

Following her instructions, I lay back down, blinking my heavy eyes as I was still half-asleep.

“Where are you going?”

“I have someone I got to know while staying outside the castle, and I need to find out something through that person.”

At those words, Apple’s expulsion from the castle came to mind reflexively.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you back then…”

Apple didn’t let me finish my sentence and shook her head.

“That wasn’t your fault, miss.”

Her warm hand brushed my forehead. Apple whispered softly in her still low and quiet voice. “I’ll be back. Please sleep a little more.”

When I opened my eyes again, another maid was by my side.

It wasn’t the maid sent from Rowen. It was a face I had never seen before.

Still, perhaps Apple had trained her separately, as I didn’t feel uncomfortable.

While she could have called the original maids, Apple didn’t have a good relationship with my other maids. All of my maids except for Apple were daughters sent by the retainers of Rowen. Naturally, they couldn’t get close to Apple.

They probably couldn’t have matched their personality. Apple acted meticulously but tended to speak bluntly, while the other maids, raised as daughters of noble families, used social language in their daily lives.

Suddenly, I realized I hadn’t seen the original maids since I got the scar on my back, but I didn’t delve into that thought deeply.

After all, none of them were close enough to miss, and since I wasn’t engaging in any external activities, they weren’t particularly needed.

I took the medicine the maid had prepared for me and fell asleep. Even though I wasn’t particularly sleepy, closing my eyes allowed me to drift off easily. Staying awake only made my mind restless with various thoughts, so it was better this way.

I wondered how long I had slept.

Feeling a presence, I opened my eyes and saw a familiar silhouette through the bed curtains.

“Apple?”

Apple, who had been doing something, approached me. She pulled back the bed curtains.

“I’m back.”

With those words, Apple carefully took my hand, which was rubbing my eyes to chase away the sleep. “You’re cold.” There was a faint smell of outside air coming from her body, suggesting she hadn’t been back long.

Instead of my lackluster touch, Apple gently touched the area around my eyes and asked,

“I heard you skipped a meal.”

Now that I thought about it, it seemed I had missed a meal while sleeping.

“Are you feeling unwell?”

“No, I just took a nap…”

Before I could finish my sentence, a yawn escaped me. I covered my mouth as I yawned and then sat up.

As I sat up, Apple placed a pillow behind my back and said,

“I’ll have some snacks brought to you.”

“I just woke up…”

“It’s already past lunchtime.”

Before I could make any counterargument, Apple continued,

“You need to eat well to recover quickly.”

Since I was a child, Apple had said that every time I was sick.

It was a phrase she originally didn’t use, so when I asked her where she learned it, the young Apple, with her characteristic expressionless face, replied,

“I heard the doctor say it.”

Since then, she remembered to say that every time, so it seemed that the memory of hearing it for the first time had left quite a strong impression.

Before long, snacks were brought into the room.

Even though it was a thin, runny food that shouldn’t have been difficult to swallow, it didn’t go down easily. My mouth felt scratchy.

Still, with Apple watching by my side, I tried to eat at least one more spoonful.

It was then that Apple, who had been making a list of my possessions—something she had started while I was asleep—looked back at me.

“Miss, do you remember what you said last time?”

I immediately understood which time she was referring to.

It was the day Demian returned to Rowen, when I had poured out my feelings to her while crying.

I swallowed the food in my mouth and replied to her.

“You don’t have to worry about what I said back then.”

The desire to leave far away was still a strong wish, but I already knew it couldn’t be fulfilled.