You Said You Wanted Us to Break Up - Chapter 80

I already knew the location of the room with the organ, so finding it was not difficult. However, just as I almost reached the slightly ajar door, the music stopped. The sound of the keyboard bench scraping against the floor followed.

Soon, the gap in the door widened slightly, and the man who appeared called my name.

“Iella?”

All I could think was that I needed to take advantage of this opportunity, but I was unsure of how to initiate the conversation. I remained rigid, and Sioden reached behind him and closed the door.

“It must have bothered you.”

“No.”

There are many organs in the world. I had been playing the organ long before I met him.

It meant that the sound alone wasn’t enough to make me tremble or cry.

Realizing that when there’s nothing to say, one can repeat obvious questions, I spoke.

“Were you playing the organ?”

“I was just touching it for inspection. I will make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“It’s alright.”

I shook my head at him.

“Do what you want with the organ.”

After I said that, the surroundings became quiet. It was a situation distinctly different from the last time Sioden had brought me to this room. And that day, Sioden must have had something he wanted to tell me. Honestly, I wasn’t curious, but I felt I should at least feign curiosity about his situation to earn his trust.

I spoke to the man who was looking down at me with slightly trembling eyes.

“Let’s talk.”

* * *

After sending the clearly surprised Apple back to my room first, I thought about how to utilize this opportunity I had forcibly created.

“I will prepare another room.”

“No, it’s alright.”

Moving locations would only lengthen the time we had to wait. However, the moment I stepped into the room with the organ, I realized a problem.

There was no proper seating in the room except for the keyboard bench.

It was a situation I hadn’t considered because the room that housed the organ in the annex always had chairs for listeners.

We could sit side-by-side on the bench, but we were not on close enough terms to sit that near.

As I hesitated, Sioden spoke to me.

“Please sit.”

I sat on the keyboard bench as he instructed, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to sit next to me. As if reading my inner hesitation, Sioden stood beside the organ.

“I will stay here.”

After that, a complete silence descended between him and me. Even though he had kept trying to say things I didn’t want to hear before, Sioden said nothing now.

Since I was the one with a purpose in this situation, I ended up introducing a topic first.

“You brought me to this room last time.”

“Yes.”

“Why did you do that?”

Although the words came from my mouth, they sounded distinctly accusatory, yet Sioden received them gently.

“They were yours, so I wanted to return them.”

“…I never thought of them as mine.”

The words came out cold again.

In reality, our conversations had always been like this. One side uttering words that hurt the other. I didn’t know what Sioden thought, but the one who was hurt by the conversation was always me.

…Though it seemed different today.

I quickly offered an explanation before the situation grew more awkward.

“No offense intended, but you took them back, didn’t you? So I thought you were just lending them to me for a short while.”

“At that time…”

I asked Sioden, who swallowed his words without finishing his sentence.

“At that time, what?”

“It’s nothing.”

He shook his head.

Since I wasn’t truly curious about the past incident anyway, I quickly changed the subject.

“Did you have any other intention besides returning the organ?”

Sioden answered a beat later.

“I wanted to apologize.”

He stated firmly.

“That is all.”

And just like my apologies in the past, his apology was meaningless to me now. Sioden seemed to know that fact too, as he said nothing more.

Thus, we remained silent for a while. As we did, a thought suddenly struck me: from afar, he and I would look like we were gazing in the same direction.

Like a portrait of an amicable couple.

In the South, this kind of portrait arrangement was fashionable. The composition of the seated wife and the standing husband. The two subjects are standing close to each other. Expensive bookshelves or lavishly decorated musical instruments would be placed in the background. That way, they could convey wealth along with harmony.

Yet, the two people looking in the same direction would never have their eyes meet.

As I swallowed a certain bitterness while having that thought, Sioden spoke.

“There is something I need to inform you of.”

“What is it?”

“The new Duke of Rowen has sent a letter stating he will visit Raslet.”

The title “new Duke of Rowen” could only refer to one person: Iswen.

By now, Demian would have arrived in the capital and more. In the capital, Demian would have met Iswen, who would have been guarding the Rowen mansion as the Duke.

What did the two of them talk about me? How did Iswen react to receiving the report of Demian’s failure? The questions that usually followed such news surfaced.

Suddenly, I recalled Demian’s look of desperation as he clung to me, looking like he was about to cry.

‘You can hate me. But if you would just see Brother once…’

He spoke as if Iswen had his own circumstances.

I wasn’t curious about those circumstances. No matter what the circumstances were, they wouldn’t be heavier than the sneers and criticisms I had received all my life. I was already certain of that.

However, separate from the fact that I wouldn’t listen to Iswen, his coming to the North could cause problems for the escape plan. Iswen, by his mere presence, was more than enough to be a variable.

As I briefly pondered how to deal with this, Sioden said,

“If you do not wish to meet him, I will not allow him into the castle.”

It was a similar offer to the one I heard when Demian was coming.

Perhaps I can use this situation. The thought flashed through my mind.

I took a short breath and looked back at him.

“No, I’ll meet him.”

Sioden stared down at me. His deep blue eyes were fixed directly on me. That look seemed to ask what on earth I was thinking. Perhaps he actually wanted to ask but was restraining himself.

In any case, I had an excuse this time.

“Because I need to tell him I’m not going back to the South…”

I let my voice trail off and observed Sioden’s reaction. The effect was immediate. His blue eyes widened slightly. It wasn’t a huge change, but it was enough to confirm that my answer had surprised him.

Sioden asked in a slightly trembling voice,

“…You won’t return to your family home?”

I nodded at his question.

If I was going to run, it had to be from Raslet. Partially because I had already made some preparations here, but also in case I was caught, I had to be here.

The current Sioden seemed unlikely to punish Apple if I pleaded with him.

Anything could happen when the time came, and he might change his mind when the incident actually occurred, but at least to my eyes right now, that’s how it appeared.

But Demian or Iswen… they would not show mercy.

I didn’t think they had the sensibility left to consider such human values.

I asked the man, who still clearly looked surprised, in return,

“Do you want me to go back?”

“No, that’s not what I meant…”

Sioden ran his hand over his face.

“…I just assumed you wouldn’t want to stay in Raslet.”

He added quietly.

“You hate me, don’t you?”

Hate.

His words might not be wrong.

It wasn’t the same kind of loathing and injustice I felt when I thought of my family, but thinking of Sioden always left a frustrating feeling, as if a part of my chest was firmly blocked.

Now, I wanted to be free from that feeling.

…And to do that, I needed to stay away from Sioden.

Finishing my thoughts, I spoke the words I had decided on.

“I don’t hate you.”

Sioden flinched. I continued speaking without giving him a moment to interpret my words.

“And I won’t have the marriage… annulled either.”

In the past, Sioden had said he wanted us to separate.

That wish, which was once his, was now my goal.

I was prepared to do everything I could to achieve this goal. I had stepped onto the gambling board he had dragged me back onto.

The previous him had taken all my hope. So this time, I would win my freedom.

Even if it meant lying.

I looked straight into his eyes and said,

“I want to continue living here.”

* * *

Sioden asked,

“Are you serious?”

The woman slowly nodded her head while watching his reaction. Her green eyes, the pale color still visible even in the dark, traced a semicircle. Sioden swallowed the words that had risen to his tongue at the sight.

A lie.

Iella was trying to deceive him.

Even after noticing that fact, Sioden curled the corners of his lips. She must not realize that he had caught her lie.

The image of the woman, glaring at him with eyes brimming with tears and hatred, flashed before him.

‘It’s too late.’

Her sincere single sentence, the moment it was released into the air, pierced through their relationship. It was a perforation that could not be erased by anything.

He knew that he was practically closing his eyes in front of that hole.

However, there are things in the world that one must endure, even while knowing the truth.

Sioden retraced and imitated the memory of a time when he had smiled genuinely softly. He created an expression that was not awkward and then greeted the woman, who was watching his reaction, as if he were truly delighted.

“Thank you.”

Only then did Iella show relief. The woman’s gaze avoided his and lowered again. Sioden took in her noticeably more relaxed expression.

He wished he could just die.