You Said You Wanted Us to Break Up - Chapter 83

 

Sioden returned in a little less than two weeks.

Late at night, torches announcing the lord’s return were lit, and the drawbridge over the moat was lowered. I had been awake until then, unable to sleep.

“You absolutely must get proper sleep tonight.”

Apple, who had also been sleeping late for several days because of me, had urged me before returning to her room, but sleep simply wouldn’t come. It had been like that ever since Sioden went out. It was because I had no idea what Sioden was doing outside.

He had concealed the reason for his outing from me. Although he hadn’t directly told me not to ask, he had deliberately changed the subject.

Would he have done that if it wasn’t related to me.

At times like this, I felt frustrated. It was because of the thought that something might have been different if I had been able to learn as much as the children of other noble houses were educated.

But since regretting things I couldn’t change by my own will was the most foolish thing to do, I soon stopped that line of thinking.

Sitting on the bed, listening to the sound of a part of the castle waking up and moving, all sorts of thoughts crossed my mind.

If I followed my heart, I would have wanted to go out right away and ask Sioden what he had been doing. Is it really true that your outing wasn’t related to me? You’re not pretending not to know, deceiving me while knowing everything, are you…?

Wait, is there a reason why I shouldn’t?

Of course, I would never, ever confront Sioden and demand he tell me the truth.

But I could at least go out to see his face, couldn’t I?

I might be able to find some clues if I meet him in person. People often reveal more through their actions than their words.

Moreover, I decided recently to try and get along with him. It was a temporary decision, but Sioden doesn’t know that. He probably thinks my feelings were soothed because he bought me a jewel. I am accustomed to that way of thinking. That was exactly how Demian and Iswen handled problems.

People tend to think that problems they haven’t personally experienced can be resolved simply.

The moment a problem truly becomes simple is when one gives up on improvement.

Problems for which the hope of improvement has been abandoned eventually become ‘just the way things are.’ That Demian and Iswen don’t get along with me. That I don’t trust Sioden. That I don’t want to imagine a future with family or husband… Couldn’t all of that be answered as ‘just the way it is’?

Burying the thought of what was too late now in the corner of my mind, I grabbed a fur cloak and a lantern. The hallways of Raslet Castle are dark and cold. They were especially so at night.

When I opened the bedroom door, the knight guarding it turned to look at me.

“Madam.”

Jed. Seeing the knight’s face, I recalled what Sioden had said when assigning him to me.

“If an incident occurs, he will vouch for your innocence.”

Whether the knight was by my side or not, I was definitely guilty now. Because I was going to deceive Sioden.

Sioden was the lord of this land before he was my spouse. Deceiving the owner of the land was an unlawful act from which even royalty could not escape responsibility in any domain.

Now, none of that mattered, though.

Jed asked me a question.

“Where are you going?”

“To greet him.”

My husband has returned, hasn’t he? The words I offered as an excuse sounded awkward even to my own ears. Nevertheless, Jed did not question me further. He probably had been given some instruction in that regard.

The knight asked.

“Do you require an escort?”

I was about to refuse reflexively. If I desperately wanted to go with someone, I would have rung the bell connected to Apple’s room before leaving the bedroom.

When I wasn’t that desperate for company, going with someone was more uncomfortable. If not Apple, then anyone else.

But before answering, I realized that if I acted in a closed-off manner, it would be difficult to give Sioden the impression that I had changed from before.

“Yes. You should come with me.”

The knight bowed briefly and took the lantern from me.

“His Excellency will be using the main staircase. Since he has officially returned.”

I suppose so. It didn’t matter which way.

I nodded slightly at the knight’s words and followed him.

After some time, I saw Sioden walking in the distance.

The problem was that he was not alone. Sioden, who was naturally still in his outdoor clothes, was talking to the knights following him.

I instinctively paused at the sight. I didn’t have a good relationship with Sioden’s knights. They disliked me, and I felt much the same about them.

Sioden, who had been speaking while looking to his side, soon noticed me.

He had the people around him stop and walked toward me.

“Not sleeping at this hour… Did something happen?”

Something happen? Of course, something happened.

Since the day Sioden brought back the jewels I had sold, I had been in a state of suspended ‘something.’

I had briefly felt relief knowing that my outing had not been prohibited in the interim, but that relief vanished after he left the castle while hiding something.

Furthermore, didn’t he ask me not to let Apple go out either, leaving us completely trapped in the castle, agonizing for over a week?

However, a much gentler reply came out of my mouth than my true feelings.

“You hadn’t returned.”

The eyes of the person looking down at me widened slightly. I had seen those eyes recently. The eyes I saw when I opened the door to the organ room a little wider. More accurately, the look he had when he discovered the chair inside.

No, he looks a little more confused than that.

I looked at him and added.

“I waited for you.”

Ah, he won’t believe these words. The thought came to me immediately after I spoke.

Because if Sioden were me, he would absolutely never wait for him.

It was a lie that could be easily detected with a little reverse thinking.

Surely, it was a lie, and yet…?

I blinked, embraced by him before I could even fully register it.

The man’s hand, hardened with calluses, supported my back, feeling almost rigid.

His voice, resonating above my head, trembled slightly.

“Is that so?”

Just like someone who was deeply moved.

“I apologize for being late.”

A low apology was followed by a ragged vow. I will truly do better. With those words, he slowly stroked my back. Naturally, a certain desperation was evident in the path his hand traced, which included my scars.

As if he thought he would never have this chance again once this moment passed.

Of course, it must be my delusion. There was no reason for Sioden to be desperate right now.

I couldn’t be sure since I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t doubt that fact.

* * *

Perhaps sensing that I had no intention of sleeping, Sioden took me to his parlor.

I asked Sioden, who had seated me by the fireplace and was taking something from a servant beyond the door,

“Aren’t you tired?”

“I’m fine.”

He answered without hesitation and placed a cup of milk in my hands. It was what he had just received from the servant.

In the South, milk is given to a child who shows no sign of going to sleep soon, even though it’s time. I wondered if the North had a similar custom as I looked down at the steaming cup of milk. Sioden sat down across from me.

He said,

“The reason for my outing was to deal with disobedient retainers.”

“Ah…”

If those words were true, the trip to Emerta had not yet been discovered.

Sioden’s words continued.

“I thought it was better not to inform you since it was unpleasant business, but I didn’t realize you would be concerned.”

Did I look concerned?

Thinking that my actions might have raised a new suspicion, I quickly added.

“I was just curious. I wasn’t that worried.”

“Is that so?”

Sioden readily agreed with my statement.

He continued to explain softly.

“The elders who had many complaints will no longer be able to speak out. So, you will not suffer any harm from the Northern retainers in the future.”

But this was irrelevant, as I would be leaving the North soon anyway.

Unsure what to reply, I quietly nodded when someone knocked on the door from outside.

“Excellency, I have something to tell you.”

“I will go and check briefly.”

Sioden rose from his seat. Soon, the sound of him talking to the knight could be heard through the door gap.

‘In a few days… arrive… Understood. Go and tell Ben to…’ The conversation, heard in fragments, quickly ended.

Sioden returned to his seat and changed the subject.

“They say spring will arrive soon.”

“I heard that.”

“When spring comes, there is something I want to show you.”

“What is it?”

The man quietly smiled without answering.

* * *

What Sioden wanted to show me was a small villa located by a lake.

He said that the villa, which was situated beyond the outer castle walls due to its distance from the main castle, had been in the family’s possession for a long time.

We were sitting across from each other in the carriage heading there now.

Although only three days had passed since Sioden’s return, he was the one who had proposed this trip to the villa. I had merely accepted it, considering certain contingencies.

As I looked out the window at the evergreen-filled landscape typical of Raslet, I heard his voice from across the carriage.

“It’s closer to the port, so it should be warmer than other areas.”

This was already a known fact.

From the moment he told me the villa’s location, I had been thinking of ways to utilize that condition.

I had already finished discussing it with Apple yesterday.

“Let’s leave from the villa if possible. It will be hard to take a lot of cash, but it will be much easier to avoid surveillance.”

To exit Raslet Castle, we would have to pass through two walls. Even excluding the wall that marked the border of the domain, which we wouldn’t use as we were traveling by sea, it was still two walls.

But since the villa was outside the outer wall, we wouldn’t need to deceive the eyes of the guards at the wall, at least.

Security would also be less strict than at the main castle. After Apple agreed, we packed the luggage we would take with us to Emerta.

I removed all the jewelry Sioden had bought for me from the luggage, including the piece with the green gem. I didn’t need his traces on the path to freedom.

As I turned my gaze, which had briefly been directed opposite me, back out the window, Sioden spoke.

“What I truly want to show you isn’t the villa, but what is inside it.”

* * *

The villa was uniquely pretty, although it was not in the Southern style. This was evident without needing to inspect it closely. The overall structure was made of white stone, with delicate carvings sculpted throughout. If it snowed, the villa might look like a manor made of snow.

Of course, I wouldn’t be around to see that.

Even Raslet sees a temporary halt in snow during the spring. I will leave in the spring and never return.

At the villa, I was briefly given time alone with Apple. The excuse was that I wanted to stay by her side while she unpacked my luggage in the new bedroom.

I spoke to Apple, who was checking to see if she had properly packed and brought my belongings.

“I looked on the way here, and there was a road that could lead out to the port midway.”

“I saw it too.”

Apple added.

“I think we can have the carriage wait near the forest connected to the villa and use that road to slip out to the port.”

She briefly stopped what she was doing and looked back at me.

“I’ll go and find out if we can move the ship’s departure date up.”

Before I could reply, there was a knock on the door.

“It’s me.”

It was Sioden. I instinctively rolled my eyes, and Apple whispered,

‘Should I make an excuse?’

I shook my head at her and walked toward the door.

Sioden, who was standing outside the door, suggested as soon as our eyes met.

“Would you like to look around the area with me?”

“Sounds good.”

After we went outside, I chose a moment that wouldn’t look awkward and spoke to Apple.

“I want to walk just with him for a bit, so please step away for a while. Oh, and could you go to the village and buy the snacks you bought last time?”

Then, as if remembering him belatedly, I turned back to Sioden and asked.

“Is it alright for my maid to go to the village?”

I was secretly nervous that he might object, but Sioden nodded silently.

Apple gave me a small bow and turned her back.

I was watching her go when Sioden asked me.

“What kind of snack is it?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

It was a topic that could be used appropriately at another time.

Sioden did not inquire further.

After walking for some time, I realized why he had deliberately called me outside.

Near the villa was a lake large enough to look like a river.

That scene alone would have been quite impressive, but near the lake, low-growing, pale purple flowers bloomed in clusters.

They were living flowers, the first I had seen since coming to Raslet.

At the unexpected sight, I was speechless for a while.

“…I didn’t know flowers bloomed in the North.”

“I was told it is almost the only indigenous species that can survive here.”

So, it grows here naturally, regardless.

The North I had imagined was a land of winter where only stiff, elongated evergreens could grow.

Sioden explained to me, as I couldn’t take my eyes off the flowers.

“They are somewhat different from the flowers of the South. I recall being told that their appearance changed as they adapted to the fierce weather, but I am not very knowledgeable about plants, so I can’t be sure.”

“…Was this what you wanted to show me back then, too?”

“Yes.”

That answer, given without hesitation, naturally raised a certain question.

Did he truly have love, too?

Even as I believed he hadn’t, whenever fragments of the past like this popped up, I naturally became doubtful.

But even if there was love, it was a story of the past. It was utterly insufficient to hold me back now.

Steeling my resolve, I looked back at Sioden.

“You said I could tell you if I wanted anything. Is that still valid?”

“Not ‘still,’ but it will be valid unchangingly from now on.”

Such trivial matters are completely beside the point. I hesitated momentarily, choosing my words, and Sioden asked gently.

“Is there something you desire?”

“I would prefer that not many people stay at the villa. I’m simply uncomfortable around the people of Raslet.”

Sioden accepted my words calmly.

“I will accommodate that.”

“I also don’t like having a knight follow me around.”

“Is there a reason?”

“I just… it brings up bad memories…”

I anticipated it before I even finished speaking. If I said this, Sioden would feel guilt.

I also felt like it was tantamount to taking advantage of another person’s weakness. I even thought that this kind of behavior was something my family—whom I disliked so much—would do.

However, I have Apple.

I can do anything for her.

“Since it’s just you and me here, nothing serious will happen anyway…”

I changed the sentence into a question without finishing it.

“Is that not possible?”

Sioden laughed softly and shook his head.

“Of course, it is possible.”

After seeing the flowers, we did not walk around for long.

“The wind might be chilly, so I think it is best we go inside now.”

With those words as his last, Sioden escorted me back to my room.

Before sunset, Apple, who had gone to the village, returned. She closed the room door and approached me. She took something out of her pocket and placed it on the side table.

One of the two items was the candied tea leaves, which was already familiar to me.

However, the other was an object I had never seen before. I pointed at the small bottle containing white powder and asked Apple.

“What is that?”

“It’s a sleeping aid.”

I bought it in case we might need it.

And Apple leaned her head toward me. Although we were alone in the room, she whispered softly, like someone mindful of being overheard.

“I changed the ship’s departure. It’s tomorrow night.”