You Said You Wanted Us to Break Up - Chapter 86

“You already knew, didn’t you.”

The woman who had been hidden behind the maid stepped forward. Apple Leta tried to stop her master but was restrained by a hand gesture.

Her light green eyes, full of betrayal, fixed precisely on her superior.

“And I, not knowing that, like a fool…”

The slender voice trembled, unable to carry on to the end.

His superior advanced toward his wife. Through a momentary stumble in his steps, Luke realized the man was still under the influence of a drug. A drug he didn’t yet know the nature of.

His superior must have known his body was not its usual self, but his eyes seemed to see nothing but the wife weeping before him.

Walking forward, the man pleaded in a weakened voice.

“Please don’t cry.”

“…”

“I’ll send you to the south. Emerta, was it? I’ll send you wherever you want. So…”

“I don’t want to!”

It was a sharp voice. Even the superior seemed startled; the man’s back flinched.

The woman, who usually spoke every word gently, shouted wildly without even batting an eye at his reaction.

“I hate that I can only leave if you send me! Why don’t you understand that I don’t want to go anywhere as your wife!”

I’m sick of you and my family! The cry cutting through the night air was entirely sincere. Since no idiot could fail to read the palpable disillusionment embedded within it, Luke easily understood.

Despite being treated worse than baggage by his wife, his superior, seemingly without pride, continued to beg.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong. Please, just…”

Please stop crying.

The completely cracked plea sounded as if it were being squeezed from his lungs, but it had no effect. The woman’s cheeks were already thoroughly soaked.

A murmuring sound was heard nearby. It was a sign that all eyes were focused on them.

Finally realizing what needed to be done in this situation, his superior turned around. His winter glacier-like eyes fixed directly on Luke.

The man commanded in a voice tinged with lingering despair.

“Go and fetch someone.”

* * *

As we had been caught at the harbor, naturally, there was no sailing away. There was also no return to the villa.

With our escape route completely blocked, all that remained was the return to Raslet Castle.

It had been so difficult for me just to get to the harbor, yet Sioden instantly had the family’s carriage brought to the dockside.

Sitting inside, I mentally dissected the situation I had just faced.

Sioden knew everything.

And I, unaware of that, tried to be kind to him, nodded to words I didn’t agree with at all, visited his room, and even kissed him.

How ridiculous must I have looked to Sioden, trying to appease him?

I felt ashamed. Intolerably ashamed.

Humiliation welled up, blurring my vision. I thought I had cried enough, but tears started falling again.

It was then that the carriage door gently opened.

Beyond it was Sioden, still with a pale complexion. With remnants of the drug I had given him still on his face, the man struggled to part his lips.

“I know you really don’t want to see me right now. I know… but…”

He pressed his lips tightly together. His blue gaze, which had been fixed on me, dropped downwards.

“…I will tell you the rest when we arrive at the castle.”

I’m sorry. With that utterly useless apology, Sioden closed the carriage door. Apple, who had been sitting across from me, quickly moved toward me.

The girl tucked my face into her embrace and consoled me.

“Milady, please stop crying. It will be alright.”

What about Apple? What would happen to Apple if my relationship with Sioden fell apart? That thought suddenly occurred to me.

I must protect this girl no matter what. I hugged Apple tightly. Perhaps thinking I was just anxious, Apple made soothing sounds and stroked my back.

However, I already knew that I needed to take action rather than simply tremble with anxiety.

* * *

As soon as we arrived at the castle, I gathered all the gold items I owned. From pen nibs to paperweights, bookmarks, and even a comb. They were all items that a southern noble would own one or two of, so selling them wouldn’t lead to me being tracked.

It wouldn’t raise as much money as jewelry, but it could cover one woman’s living expenses.

I collected all the items, which reflected the lessons Sioden had taught me, and gave them to Apple.

“Take these and leave.”

“Milady?”

Apple seemed truly bewildered by my words.

I explained calmly to the girl who was staring at me with surprised eyes.

“Duke Raslet might try to punish you. I will try to stop him when that happens, but I might fail.”

The current Sioden didn’t seem like he would do anything to Apple.

However, it was better to prepare for the worst than to trust him.

“So, before anything happens, you must leave Raslet Castle. If you say you’re returning to the Leta family, no one will cling to you.”

“…Are you telling me to leave you, Milady?”

Apple’s voice trembled. Was it shock underneath that, or something a little deeper, like betrayal?

Either way, these were feelings I hadn’t wanted Apple to experience, but things in the world don’t go as one wishes.

Ignoring the stinging sensation in my eyes, I continued.

“Once you leave the castle, go wherever you want besides the Leta family, Emerta, or anywhere else. Just be careful not to get caught…”

“I don’t want to.”

It was the first time Apple had cut me off without letting me finish speaking.

Only then did I realize that Apple’s face was redder than usual. With a flushed face, like someone holding back tears, the girl spoke emphatically.

“I’d rather have my neck cut off than…”

“Apple!”

Apple flinched, startled. I felt it was understandable, as I had never raised my voice at the girl before.

But this time, I had to make Apple follow my decision, even if it meant pulling rank.

“I don’t care what you say. Listen to me.”

Apple pressed her lips together. Seeing the water well up in her eyes truly felt like my heart was being torn apart.

Apple must have felt this way every time I cried.

I should have cried less. A thought came to mind, albeit a little too late to act upon.

“I’ll be here in Raslet or in Rowen anyway, so you can come back anytime. Just for a little while, just leave for a bit, and once the situation is clearly resolved…”

Before the sentence could finish, my voice was choked by sobs.

I shouldn’t cry in front of Apple, but the tears kept taking my breath away.

Apple, whose face looked like she was about to burst into tears herself, reached out her arms to me.

“Please don’t cry. I’ll do as you say, Milady.”

She took my hands and met my eyes.

“But I will definitely come back.”

I couldn’t bring myself to refuse even those words. With a face as flushed as Apple’s, I nodded.

“Yes.”

“I only have you, Milady.”

I know.

This wasn’t the first time Apple had said this to me.

I only have her too. That’s why I must protect Apple no matter what happens.

Without answering, I embraced Apple. Apple, who was always the one to hug me first, wrapped her arms around me in return this time.

After convincing Apple, I went to find Sioden.

To the man who looked at me as if I were an insoluble problem beyond his capability, I immediately got straight to the point.

“I want to send my maid back.”

“…”

“I’m not saying I’ll send her to Rowen.”

Sioden knew that Apple had bought her identity. So, this statement would sound like another lie to him.

However, I no longer needed to try to make him feel that my lies were the truth.

Sioden stared at me with an expression infused with emotions that words couldn’t elaborate, and then he conceded.

“Understood.”

Since I had his agreement, there was no need to remain in the same space.

As I rose to my feet and headed for the door, a low voice followed me.

“…I really intended to let you go.”

I stopped my steps toward the door and turned back to look at him. His blue eyes, holding a desperate desire to somehow prove his words, were looking at me.

It was a yearning that made absolutely no difference to me.

“You knew anyway.”

And if Sioden knew my plan, I couldn’t believe his claim that he intended to let me go.

This premise remained unchanged, no matter what excuse Sioden offered.

“You must have also sent people to chase after me.”

Though it wouldn’t have been Luke Ailac.

At some point, the knight named Jed had disappeared. Was it since the day he came to meet Sioden upon his return to the castle?

It was a fact so obvious that it was laughable I had only just realized it.

Sioden also couldn’t deny my words.

“My intention was only to help you settle down, and then for me to return immediately.”

“You are saying you were worried about me.”

“…”

“Knowing perfectly well why I was willing to risk everything to go to Emerta.”

The man’s Adam’s apple bobbed. Only then did I realize what kind of emotion Sioden was displaying: misery.

He truly looked miserable. Unbefitting his youth, power, strength, and health. Sioden looked genuinely despairing.

Yet, witnessing that misery and despair, I felt nothing.

Sioden must have felt the same way at one point. When I begged him not to take Apple away, when I confessed the deep-seated hypocrisy in my family, when I said that their countless crimes were not mine.

He must have truly felt nothing.

Yet, in those moments, I was more wretched than ever.

That is why I cannot believe his claim that he loved me. I know that the misery of a man who doesn’t love me affects me with such indifference; if I just reverse the roles, doesn’t the answer become obvious?

Before he could find another excuse, I left a brief farewell and turned my back.

“Thank you for allowing my maid to leave.”

This was probably the most hollow-sounding expression of gratitude in the world.

However, I don’t want anything to bridge the gap between him and me. If I could emphasize the word ‘forever,’ I would wish for us to remain distant for as long as all the intensifiers in the world could convey.

It was a realization that came too late.

* * *

Since it was better for her to leave before Iswen arrived, once the decision was made, Apple was set to leave the castle the following day.

Until she got into the carriage, she looked back several times and said,

“I will definitely come back to you, Milady.”

“Yes.”

“You must take care of yourself, alright? Even if you’re heartbroken, don’t skip meals, and always put yourself first…”

Her admonitions, if prolonged, would only make Apple’s departure harder.

I spoke, deliberately cutting her off.

“I know.”

Apple stopped speaking and looked at me quietly. I also fixed her face in my mind. Even if we parted now and never saw each other again, I would never forget her, but we engraved each other in our minds like an artist drawing a model for the first time.

After a moment that felt infinitely short compared to the time we would have to endure without each other, I concluded the farewell.

“Take care of yourself.”

“Yes.”

Apple finally climbed into the carriage. I watched the carriage she was in leave tracks in the snow as it moved away.

The inside of my chest felt empty, as if my heart had been carried away with her.

I stood there until the carriage disappeared from view, and then I went back inside the castle.

As soon as I entered beneath the familiar ceiling, my vision blurred. I put force into my eyes so as not to let a single tear fall, and I walked the corridor where I used to walk with Apple, but now I was alone.

There had been a similar situation once before. The day I ran into Sioden on the way back after seeing Demian off.

Apple was by my side then. She had listened attentively to my wish to leave for anywhere, and she had tried to make it a reality.

Which is worse: trying but lacking the ability, or deliberately crushing someone’s efforts?

It was a comparison with a clear right and wrong, but reality was so different from theory.

The lord of this castle, the doctor, and even the knight had lost nothing, yet I felt cold and lonely, as if I had lost everything.

Before I could fully process that discrepancy, the news arrived that the carriage carrying Iswen had passed the outer wall of Raslet.