There Is No Paradise Where You Escaped - Chapter 84

Rottermond, which she had visited at the end of summer, was already in winter.

The moment she stepped down from the carriage, a strangely warm air lingered around her. Looking up, she saw that the sky was filled with thick, dark clouds. It looked like it would snow sometime today.

Susanna greeted Edwin with open arms, welcoming the lord’s return.

But the two remaining women found it difficult to accept such hospitality from her.

Still, Susanna did not forget the courtesy of exchanging formal greetings.

Due to the events that had occurred this fall in Farrington, Vivianne’s relationship with Susanna had soured, and she was now merely hoping for a chance to mend it.

Vivianne was delighted to hear that they would be visiting Rottermond again this winter—it was practically a guaranteed opportunity to speak with Susanna.

Of course, that didn’t mean things would go as hoped.

“It looks like snow will come tomorrow, so I’m glad you arrived early. You might’ve had a hard time otherwise. Oh, Baron Zimmermann has also been invited. I’m not sure when he’ll arrive, since the snow is coming—but wouldn’t it be lovely to enjoy it together?”

As Susanna, walking ahead, glanced back at Charlotte, Charlotte flinched and grabbed Vivianne’s sleeve.

When Vivianne firmly held her trembling hand, Susanna, having seen it as she turned back, twisted her lips into a crooked smirk.

As Charlotte answered meekly, Susanna resumed a formal smile.

“That’s a relief. It’s been a while since the manor felt lively. Rottermond rarely feels so full of life in winter, Miss Aveline. We must thank Windler… for creating such a festival for us.”

Susanna smiled brightly, veiling her malice.

Only Vivianne and Charlotte could sense the thorns hidden behind that smile.

Vivianne could feel Charlotte’s small hand tighten tensely in hers.

But once Susanna turned her head forward again, the stiff little hand relaxed and melted.

And only now did Vivianne begin to question it—what could have caused Susanna to hate Charlotte so much?

Hatred and resentment usually fade with time. That’s the nature of such things.

But if Susanna still held on to such bitterness after all this time, then surely something significant must have happened.

Taking out her handkerchief, Vivianne gently wiped the back of Charlotte’s neck. Charlotte, who had been so frightened she had broken into a sweat even in this winter cold, smiled gratefully and thanked her.

────── ✾ ──────

By the time the sun had set, large, heavy snowflakes had begun to fall.

It had been so long since Vivianne had seen such heavy snowfall that she threw open the window and stretched out her hand.

“Miss Vivianne, it’s cold. You’ll catch a cold,” Sophie warned, but Vivianne brushed off her concern and enjoyed watching the snow pile up on the ground.

Sophie even brought a chair over to the window for her.

Vivianne sat comfortably, savoring the beauty in the chilly air.

Sophie, having brought a thick shawl, wrapped it around Vivianne’s shoulders, wishing to keep her warm even in the cold.

A thin sigh met the frigid air and became a puff of white breath. And within that mist, a pair of indifferent eyes surfaced in her memory, then quickly vanished.

Everything felt fleeting and meaningless.

What use was it to be enchanted by this beautiful scene, when I’m going to die anyway?

It won’t be long before that cold-hearted man’s hands are around my throat. What’s so beautiful about the snow that paints the earth white?

A sharp ache stabbed at the center of her chest.

Scratch, scratch—the sound of a blade digging through her heavy heart.

Needle-like pain pricked directly at it.

How could all this suffering be healed?

Vivianne couldn’t find an answer.

“Sophie.”

Sophie, who had been sewing while wrapped tightly in a shawl by the fireplace, hurried over.

“Are you cold? Should I close the window?”

“… What is His Grace doing?”

Staring blankly into the snowy void, she murmured the question to herself.

“He’s probably resting. Or maybe taking a bath. Why don’t you go see for yourself? The cello… oh, right, you don’t have it anymore, do you?”

Would it be better to ask him directly?

And if so, what would I even say?

Why don’t you come looking for me anymore?

Why don’t you kiss me anymore?

Or… have you grown tired of me?

Every question that floated through her mind was tangled somewhere between pride and humiliation.

Since she couldn’t ask Edwin, she had to answer them herself.

Yes. He’s tired of me.

He’s grown bored of my eagerness—of my kisses and my pestering for receipts.

Vivianne’s eyes welled up with unbearable sorrow.

Another sigh escaped her lips, dissolving into the night air like mist.

“Anyway, it seems like the snow’s falling even heavier now than before. The servants will probably be very busy tomorrow morning. I hope nothing goes wrong,” she said.

“Yes…”

Sophie glanced at Vivianne, who looked visibly dispirited. Her eyes were wet and red.

Knowing how careful Vivianne was about her behavior in Rottermond, Sophie thought she looked like someone mourning a painful goodbye.

Sophie grumbled silently to herself. The Duke always showed up unannounced when the lady didn’t want him to—but now, when she clearly does, he’s nowhere to be found.

She directed a torrent of merciless criticism at him in her thoughts.

“If His Grace isn’t asleep, would you like me to go and ask him? How about inviting him to come see the snow for a moment? There are plenty of boots at Rottermond, and it hasn’t snowed too much yet. Tomorrow, it might be too deep to walk easily, seeing how it’s falling.”

The sorrowful Vivianne, gazing out the window, gave no reply. To Sophie, her hesitating lips looked terribly pitiful.

“My lady, I’ll go to the Duke and then come back to help you get dressed.”

Since Vivianne wouldn’t decide, Sophie decided for her.

But just as she moved, Vivianne suddenly shut the window and stopped her.

“… No. It’s fine. I should get to sleep now. It’s late.”

“You’ll just go to sleep without seeing the Duke?” Sophie’s voice cracked, tinged with disappointment.

“Yes. I have plans with the lady of the house tomorrow, after all.”

The reason Vivianne gave sounded like an excuse.

Disheartened, Sophie made one last attempt to persuade her. She bolstered her courage, thinking that even late at night, on a snowy evening, the Duke surely wouldn’t refuse an invitation for a walk from the young lady. But Vivianne ultimately chose to crawl into bed.

Sophie checked the time.

If the Duke were truly a man, he should’ve been the one to come first, to invite her out for a walk in the season’s first snowfall.

Profoundly disappointed in someone, Sophie watched over Vivianne as she settled into sleep, and once again, she unleashed merciless criticism in her heart.

────── ✾ ──────

The next morning, the snow was still falling.

Though Vivianne hadn’t slept well—tossing and turning all night—her fatigue quickly melted away when she saw the dazzling winter scenery that had accumulated overnight.

The servants had been clearing snow around the manor since morning.

But because it was falling so heavily, the paths they had cleared would vanish again as soon as they turned around.

Still, thanks to the accumulated snow, the biting cold felt somewhat warmer.

Morning passed, and afternoon arrived.

Vivianne had something to do.

She had to meet Susanna.

Susanna, who had taken a liking to Sarah Chadwick, had made Vivianne promise before leaving for Farrington. Regardless of the circumstances, Chadwick had not become the Duchess of Baytness, and part of the reason was Vivianne Aveline.

Even if there was no way to explain it, as long as she had a conscience, she needed to offer an apology.

Guided by the servants, Vivianne made her way to the drawing room on the second floor.

There, Susanna sat in front of the fireplace, her back to the snowy window, looking directly at Vivianne.

Their eyes met, and Vivianne greeted her with polite formality.

Susanna smiled gently and set her newspaper down.

“Come, sit down. Donelly, go bring another cup of tea, will you?”

After Donelly left, Vivianne sat down quietly and properly.

“You startled me yesterday, showing up all of a sudden like that. And now you’ve even asked to have a talk?”

There was no hint of hostility in Susanna’s voice, but it was still too soon to feel at ease.

Vivianne replied formally, her voice tinged with discomfort.

“I regret not being able to speak with you after returning from Farrington. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.”

“Oh, no need for thanks. I’m the one honored. Still, isn’t the snow something? Have you ever seen snow like this, Miss Aveline?”

“When I lived in Preston, it used to snow a lot as well, though not quite like Rottermond.”

“This area is known for its heavy snow. That’s why I’m a bit worried. I’m afraid Baron Zimmermann will have a rough time getting here. I should’ve sent the letter earlier, but by the time I regretted it, it was already too late. The snow came earlier than usual this year.”

Their conversation flowed smoothly and peacefully, at least until Donelly returned with tea and left again.

“So, what is it you wanted to say to me?”

Now that they’d arrived at the heart of the matter, Vivianne placed the hot teacup down on its saucer.

“… I wanted to apologize for what happened in Farrington.”

“Apologize?”

“For causing things to fall apart between Miss Chadwick and His Grace…”

No one had outright accused her or pointed fingers, and yet Vivianne dropped her head, burdened by the guilt she had taken on herself.

Clink.

The sound of the teacup being set down echoed softly, followed by a gentle laugh.

“There’s no need to apologize for something like that. That sort of thing happens all the time among the young—it’s nothing worth fussing over. Besides, even if I was quite fond of Miss Chadwick, it seems Eddie didn’t feel the same. It’s not something I could force. And Eddie told me himself—that he doesn’t love you, Miss Aveline, nor does he intend to marry you.”

For a moment, Vivianne forgot how to breathe.

A flurry of memories rushed through her mind: the kiss at the Neway Palace, the moment in the maze garden, and that final night when they had nearly crossed a line.

“Then that means what happened in Farrington was simply Eddie using you, Miss Aveline—so you have even less reason to apologize. If anything, it’s I who should be apologizing for having such a disappointing son.”

“…Please don’t. I’m fine.”

“Are you really?”

Susanna asked, as if testing her.

Vivianne’s lips, tightly sealed until now, parted slowly.

“… Yes.”

It was hard to lift her head. The bitter ache in her heart sharpened further as Susanna delivered Edwin’s true feelings.

It shouldn’t even hurt. It was only natural.

Vivianne, unable to understand herself, wanted to quickly shake off these shackling thoughts.

“So, Miss Aveline—when are you planning to leave? I believe I told you this before. I’d like you to leave Eddie’s side. If that’s truly too difficult, then marry someone else instead. I’ll even help. I’ll do everything I can to ensure you marry a fine man—someone who will give you a life anyone would envy.”

Vivianne couldn’t make that promise.

Susanna couldn’t possibly know that she couldn’t run away from Edwin.

As Vivianne kept her lips closed, Susanna’s bright expression turned icy.

Leaning back into the sofa as if sinking into it, Susanna let out a long, seemingly endless sigh.

“I think I’m beginning to hate you as much as I hate Windler.”

The cold look in her eyes was so similar to Edwin’s that, for a moment, it was easy to forget he was her adopted son.

“I haven’t told you yet, have I—why I hate Windler so much? How deeply I despise her?”

Vivianne had once wondered why Susanna hated Charlotte.

But she hadn’t expected to learn the reason at a moment like this.