You Said You Wanted Us to Break Up - Chapter 107

Demian spoke in a trembling voice.

“It wasn’t because you wanted to be cruel to us either, was it, Brother?”

A single tear rolled down the boy’s cheek, past where his eye patch ended. Seeing that, I found myself instinctively gritting my teeth. Iswen gripped the head of his cane with force.

Demian was right.

He had never once truly wanted to tear down the hearts of his own flesh and blood.

However, just because it was the truth did not mean he could agree with it. There are certainly moments in this world where one must choose a lie even while knowing the truth. Yet, he could not bring himself to snap at the child—who felt like his own flesh—and tell him he was mistaken.

While Iswen remained unable to answer, Demian quickly continued.

“Me… I’m the same. I didn’t treat her that way because I wanted to, either.”

“…”

“I want to get along with Iella now.”

His younger brother wiped his tear-stained cheek. Even though his hand was that of a grown man, with no trace of his childhood left, it felt to Iswen as if that young child from the distant past was crying before him.

Before he could be trapped in that inescapable past, Iswen managed to scrape a sound from his throat.

“Demian Rowen.”

Don’t be greedy. He parted his lips to finish the thought, but no voice came out. He tried again. Don’t cry. This time, too, there was only silence.

A sudden anxiety surged through him. It was the feeling he had every time his siblings shed tears in front of him. Though his own eyes had long since forgotten how to cry, Iswen felt as if he were losing his way whenever the faces of his kin became wet with tears.

He had lived every day pushing through thick mire, and there had never been a day that didn’t feel like walking on thin ice. He had lived so fiercely, yet for some reason, he could think of nothing but the feeling that everything had gone wrong.

It was a doubt born from the thought that if nothing were wrong, it couldn’t possibly be this painful. While he was lost in logic that could no longer be pieced together, Demian tried to persuade him once more.

“Brother, let’s just tell the truth. If Iella still says she hates us after that, then we can just beg for her forgiveness then.”

At those words, Iswen, who had been standing there dazed, parted his lips. No.

He could not make her take responsibility for things that could not be undone. He could not make her experience what he had experienced. He could not let her live her entire life with the guilt that someone’s life had been irreparably damaged because of her. Even if that happened to be the legacy left behind by a dead woman.

‘She is my daughter, after all.’

The image of lips curving with lingering mourning seemed to flicker before his eyes.

‘She has a destiny she has inherited.’

He had rejected those words a long time ago.

Iswen cleared his throat to make a sound. Demian was still young; that was why he was being like this. If he could just persuade him properly…

It was then that the door burst open.

A sharp female voice rang out from behind him.

“What do you mean, that you weren’t cruel to me because you wanted to be?”

* * *

The moment I entered Iswen’s study, I was met with the sight of Demian, his face flushed from crying, and Iswen standing before him.

Iswen slowly turned around.

“Iella.”

His face was as pale as someone who had swallowed lead. It was the first time I had ever seen Iswen with such a look of confusion.

I took a step toward him and asked.

“What is it that I don’t know?”

Based on the snippets of the conversation that had leaked out the door, it felt as though there was some truth in this house that I was unaware of.

Iswen stared at me with his mouth tightly shut before responding in a reluctant tone.

“It is nothing.”

“What do you mean, it’s nothing?”

“It means it is a matter you do not need to know.”

“Brother!”

Demian, who had been half-hidden behind Iswen, raised his voice. He stepped toward me, reaching out his hand like a man making a desperate plea.

“Iella, the reason we couldn’t treat you well all this time was all because of Father. Brother, because of that madman—”

It was then that Iswen bellowed.

“Demian Rowen, shut your mouth!”

The room fell instantly silent at the man’s wrathful voice. Iswen commanded with such finality that even the highly agitated Demian reflexively closed his mouth, and then Iswen exhaled sharply.

He spoke in a voice that was noticeably rougher than before.

“It is something Iella does not need to know.”

The moment he said that, I felt something snap inside me. Stepping toward Iswen, who was glaring coldly at Demian, I shot back.

“What business is there in this house that I shouldn’t know about?”

Iswen’s eyes widened as he turned to look at me. It occurred to me that, to him, I must look like a mouse biting back at a cat. Until now, I had never once raised my voice at Iswen.

But how much longer was I supposed to live like that?

“I am a member of this household too! I’ve lived here my entire life!”

Of course, I was sick and tired of the Rowens. Part of me wanted to turn my back right now and disappear forever.

But no matter how I felt, the time I spent in this house wouldn’t just vanish. Beneath my skin, Rowen blood still flowed. That same lineage was carved into Demian and Iswen just the same.

Breathing heavily, I glared at the two men in front of me.

“…And yet, you two always treat me like someone without eyes or ears.”

“It’s not like—”

“Then what on earth is it?”

Iswen was one thing, but even Demian was pleading with his brother without saying a single word to me. They were always like this. They would discuss my problems amongst themselves, make a decision, and then pressure me to follow along without a word of explanation.

I didn’t want to live like that anymore.

I squeezed my eyes shut and raised my voice as loud as Iswen had just moments ago.

“Do you think you’re the only ones who hated me? I don’t like you two either! I couldn’t stand the sight of you!”

It wasn’t a lie. I had never once liked my family. Therefore, I shouldn’t be curious about their story. Because I hate them. Because they are truly loathsome, and I’m sick of them. Naturally, I shouldn’t want to know.

I shouldn’t want to know, but…

I barely managed to steady my trembling breath. Tears aren’t exactly a tool for expressing anger, and I didn’t want to cry right now.

I lowered my gaze. Beside a pair of perfectly polished men’s shoes, I could see the tip of a silver cane. Iswen had held Goldie’s reins even with that leg. He could have easily ordered a knight to do it. Because he had taught me to ride until the very end without saying a word, I hadn’t known that he had overexerted himself so much that he was bedridden the next day.

I probably would have never known if I hadn’t forced my way into his room. Iswen was the type who, once he hid his thoughts, would never reveal them.

The tip of my nose stung. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.

“But you were the ones who brought me back to this house first.”

“…”

“…You told me to go home.”

After sending me away as if discarding me at Raslet, they came looking for me just as I was giving up, exhausted in both body and mind. They came and told me that this damn place was home and that we should go back together.

Hot tears finally spilled from my eyes. I wiped them away haphazardly and lifted my head again. Iswen was staring at me, unable to hide his stunned expression.

I asked him.

“Do you want me to be pushed around without knowing anything, just like in the old days?”

I knew the answer to this question. No.

My father, who wanted me to be a decorative pet bird rather than a person, never educated me on anything. Yet, Iswen was the one who provided me with a tutor.

“You must keep her ignorant. Only if she knows nothing will she rely on the family even after she is married.”

Even though he had said things like that while Father was alive.

Iswen, his face turning pale, stumbled slightly and leaned against the desk. A rattling sound came from deep inside the desk where his body brushed against it.

Before, I wouldn’t have known what that sound was. But now, I knew its source.

Multiple glass jars filled with candied flower petals.

I could never express my preferences because I was always conscious of those around me, but those petals soaked in sugar were a snack I had loved since I was a child. The only reason I had been able to enjoy them freely back then was because they were also a favorite of Iswen, who, unlike me, was treated well in this house.

However, the glass jars inside Iswen’s drawer were all completely unopened.

Then, for whom were those expensive, fragrant sweets intended?

A shrill, strained sound escaped the man’s lips.

“The past is,”

The hand gripping the edge of the desk tightened with force.

“The past is a finished matter. It means it is something that cannot be changed.”

His face, pale as silver, turned away. Confusion and agony were etched into that profile. Looking as wan as snow melting helplessly at sunrise, Iswen spoke softly.

I don’t want to make you suffer.

At those words, my eyes widened involuntarily. What had I just heard?

But before I could question him, Iswen closed his eyes. Toward a place where neither I nor Demian existed, the man muttered rapidly like a prayer. Forget everything that happened in this house. No leniency is required. Do not try to conform by carving away at your own flesh. Whether it be fate or a curse, pay no mind and leave.

“Like that… go away.”

The man’s voice broke off shortly, as if his breath had momentarily stopped. Between his tightly closed eyes, a clear pain lingered, as though he were turning away from his own emotions.

From between lips that clearly could not bear to let anyone go, unbelievable words leaked out.

“Live your own life.”

The life he had never been able to give me—the life I rightfully deserved to enjoy.